Wednesday, March 7, 2012

to look for the dust

i know this isn't a trick of gravity, but it's just fun. and somehow relates to my post. we may or may not have let this stand for three hours last night.

while i was in the thrones of my coughing and sneezing, robert slept on the couch for his own well-being. (and partially for his sanity, as i was up half the night.)

on sunday morning, i slid up next to him on the cushions and let the sunshine pour in and let pablo burrow his nose into the crook of my arm. there's something about sunshine. for all its golden beauty, when it hits a little house at just the right angle, it illuminates every single dust particle in every single nook and cranny.

i looked at the coffee table. how can you sit here and not be bothered by that dust? i asked him.

oh, i don't know, he replied. i guess i just don't look for the dust, that's all.

but i realized something. i do.

i look for the dust. the speck of mess. the splatter.

i seek out the things to change. to tidy up. to wash and put away. to vacuum and swiffer.

reasons to fall just a few steps behind as robert's walking out the front door and i'm straightening up piles, drying that last dish or arranging the magnets on the refrigerator.

some saturday mornings, robert sleeps late and i clean. i pull out the wash rags and put on my old cheerleading shorts and get on my hands and knees against the linoleum. and it feels good. and it should be done. but how many chances have i missed to catch pablo as he first wakes up? that sacred moment when his eyelids peel open and he yawns with his head thrown back. or that sweet sigh that escapes as robert rolls over and lays his arm on my side of the bed.

the thing i'm starting to realize, is that the work is hardly ever done. to seek it out is to only make our already stressed, busy, bodies go crazy.  

instead, i vow to look beyond the dust. at what's on the table. the roses sitting in the izze juice bottle. the literature books. the pretty baby fern taken from mama's big fern in the living room where i grew up.

to feast my eyes upon the beautiful, and let the rest slide beyond my view.


ruthy ann said...

pregnancy has forced me to relax and sleep in...and by the end of the week, things some how get picked up and cleaned.

Christi said...

This is something I struggle with quite often. Thank you for the reminder to slow it down.

ginanorma said...

Yes, let the rest slide behind your view...I was just looking at my dusty tv stand this week too, thinking "you are awfully dusty" oh well, nothing I can do about it right put it much more elegantly.
life has a way of choking what is most vital, most beautiful and most godly. so keeping our eyes steadfast on what really is important and matters, can seem more like the chore than dusting, but when we arrive to that place of cuddling with our dogs and looking at the sunlight beam in, we know we've made the wiser choice.
thank you courtney...!

Sarah said...

I hope you are feeling better. I like your thoughts on the cleaning matter, oh and your broom picture is funny lol.

- Sarah

Thisisme. said...

Oh I do love this post my friend. "to feast my eyes upon the beautiful, and let the rest slide beyond my view." I must aim to do this as well, for I am like you - always tidying and putting things in their right place. Sorry I haven't been over to see you, but I have had no internet connection for weeks. It's so good to be back! Hope you feel better soon.

Amber said...

I do the same thing. I have to sweep everyday and dust or I feel like I'm on edge. Ugh. I wish I could be more relaxed about cleaning.

Cassie said...

perfect. to be more subtle and receive it all, in beauty. xx

Kira said...

Oh, I look beyond the dust daily :)

Ana Magdalena said...

there's so much beauty in this post (well, in all your posts) but there's something about this one, it's more of a lesson, a reminder. I am guilty of getting lost in the dusty on a daily basis, thank you reminding me to focus my energy elsewhere.

Sarah said...

This lesson will serve you well in life!

chambanachik said...

Goodness, I need to do the same!

Emma Frances said...

Such a good goal to have. I feel like some people are so good at seeing past the dust and it's definitely a skill I wish to work on. :] Thanks for teaching me such a wonderful lesson with your beautiful words!

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