Tuesday, March 6, 2012

relationship series, part two: comparisons

for part two of our relationship series, i am talking about comparisons. those nasty little nagging thoughts that bury themselves in our mind and make us think for one single second that our relationship isn't valid, special and worthy. this week, we could talk about either this or keeping the passion. be sure to check out what gina and morgan have written on these topics, and link up below!
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right now, i know about four girls my age who are waking up to the coos and sighs of a newborn.

i also know of about three men wearing business suits sitting in corner offices with a pencil holder on their desks made of faux wood. who come home with chinese takeout and greet a pretty wife dressed in a cardigan and headband.

i know of women who wear their hair in pretty side braids and put laundry up on the line when the springtime hits, running indoors to wipe their feet and kiss their husband on the mouth and make dinner. who lie on the carpet with their babies and man and play blocks while records spin.

i know couples who live in new york and walk to get hot coffee and groceries, and couples who live down the road and visit the diner in our small town weekly.

and i would be lying if i said i never compare our romance to theirs. the way i style my hair to the way she does. the way he lets his hand linger on the small of her back to the way robert’s fingers interlace my own.

do they lie in bed at night and speak into the ceiling? does he bring her hot water from the stove when her bath water cools and leave her loves notes by the dog food bowl?

what do they argue about? where does he take her where he can park the car, turn off all the lights and whisper to her this is our spot. this is ours and no one can take it from us and even when our babies have babies and we’ve forgotten each other we cannot forget this place?

the truth is, comparisons are cheap. they are always exaggerated and oftentimes pointless. they limit our ability to love ourselves and each other in that deep, guttural way that romance is supposed to be lived.

so we’re still paying rent. so we don’t belong to a country club. so we shop at food lion and not whole foods. we are us and they are them. and one is not better than the other or worse. each is an island.

and really, when  you think about it, aren’t all islands beautiful?

15 comments:

Emily said...

I needed this today! Such a great reminder of how those sneaky comparisons can ruin a perfect thing. Have a blessed day!

Hannah said...

Lovely post. Thank you for sharing your thoughts as always.

Sarah said...

You are such a beautiful writer. And amen to all of the above. That is such a beautiful way to think of it.

Anna said...

Being the bohemian spirit as I am, I find it so reliving to see people reflect about these things as you do now. Sure I want nice things. Sometimes, much of the same things everyone else does... But then I come to thing of how bored I would feel and how boring that would make me, and that's the last thing I want...

ginanorma said...

Oh my gosh,this is breathtaking Courtney, absolutely beautiful. Girl, what wisdom and TRUTH and aaaaaaahhhh speechless I am in love with this...

Kira said...

I totally agree, the comparison game is hard not to play, but completely pointless when you do. Lately, I have been thinking back to how different things used to be - when we were both working and didn't have a baby. How we had plenty of money and never had to think about whether going out to dinner was a good idea or not. Things were certainly different back then, sometimes easier, but definitely not better. We are still finding our groove with one income and a baby, but I am happier than I have ever been.

beka said...

exactly! what a reminder. i love it. it's so needed to keep this perspective. <3

Amylou said...

Ahhh! Love this Courtney! I've struggled with this before and it's true. Comparissons are so cheap. Better to focus on our own love stories!

ruthy ann said...

so, so very true! Comparison has never brought me to a place of joy or contentment...it is so important to fight this!

Ana Magdalena said...

Great post, we can admire other relationships and other people without losing ourselves. Negative comparison is a bit poisonous, specially when it blocks us from seeing what we have.

chambanachik said...

This series is so amazing, and I love picturing relationship islands now- what a fabulous way to put it.

ladaisi said...

I do so love your posts.

I am so happy in my life right now, at this moment, that comparisons matter very little. Must snatch up all those moments of happy contentedness while they last, and let them prolong themselves and linger on.

One quote I love: They do what they do, you do what you do. Reminds me that this is my beautiful unique life and I wouldn't have it mirror someone else's for anything!

Cara-Mia said...

This is amazing. Thank you.

Justina F. Lee said...

What a beautiful post. Yes all islands are beautiful. When I first started dating my boyfriend, I really liked him, but I couldn't help comparing us to my best friend and her boyfriend of a year. It wasn't until later that I realized that not only was my boyfriend completely different from her boyfriend, but that I was completely different from my best friend. That we were two different but unique and beautiful couples. I love my boyfriend now, and realizing that we are amazing together and different from others, really helped me through that.

Mackenzie said...

thank you thank you thank you. this is just beyond words amazing.

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