Friday, March 9, 2012

i need a weekend

there's something beautiful about a sky with scattered shades of gray. the way the dark melts into the white and swirls into the tree branches, naked above the telephone poles. there's also something about it that makes me want to turn on an old country song and sit in my car for a second.

this week has been a rough one. there's a nagging cold sitting dormant on my chest, and a myriad of other troubles that when spoken, or typed, look measly, but that sit on my spirit like a heavy brick.

the thing is, i am a sunny person. i invite happiness into my living room when the evening is setting in, and dance with it until morning time when the moonlight gives way to a new start and the sheets on the bed are soft and warm and all is okay. in that brief moment of waking, all is okay.

so it's been hard to admit that i've been down for the past five days. sorting and sifting through an entire week's worth of troubles and heartaches, stomping them down into tiny bricks and believing they are gone, then like those tiny washcloths that expand in water, i awake to find them larger than life.

but i have to remind myself that it is okay. okay to not be happy all the time. to be sad on occasion. to sit on the top of my unmade bed and look out at the field and watch a bird scurry across the yard and let that one moment crush me for a second.

to live the full breadth of my emotions. let each of them push its way into me. to live out my life unafraid of the hurt. because it will come, but the gladness will too. and a healthy mix of both is needed. everything in moderation. everything in stride.

15 comments:

ginanorma said...

It's so so so ok!!! I hope this weekend kicks this illness' butt for you and that you can feel more yourself next hon! Hang in there, and beautifully sweetly written...

Michelle said...

So beautiful, Courtney! You described my week perfectly. I've been fighting a cold this week as well, and sadness has been following me like a dark cloud all week. Sadness is healthy though, and normal. And sometimes we just need to feel it for awhile.

ruthy ann said...

Boy I know how those weeks are...praying for better days to come.

Sarah said...

Aww I hope you feel better. Even though it's ok to not be happy all he time, it sure feels good to be =)

- Sarah
http://agirlintransit.blogspot.com

chambanachik said...

I hope you feel better and this weekend is a beautiful one for you...but...http://chambanachik-live.blogspot.com/2012/03/happy-girls-and-sad-ones.html

It's okay. <3

wildchild said...

i know exactly what you mean. as a normally happy person, it's just so odd to not feel that, to not feel like yourself. but it's totally okay. that's normal. i hope your weekend is rejuvenating and exactly what you need. take a deep breath.

Amber said...

I hope you have a pleasant and relaxing weekend. Feel better, sweets!

Thisisme. said...

It's horrible when you're fighting a cold like that, and, yes, it's quite alright to feel 'down' at times. I guess we all feel that way sometimes. Sometimes it just washes over me, and how ever many times I count my blessings, it doesn't make any difference, and I just have to wait for it to pass, and we all know that it will. Thankfully, spring is just around the corner. The days are starting to lengthen and, hopefully, this will lift all our spirts. Feel better soon my friend.

Krista Ahlgrim said...

I really needed this post today, thank you :)

Mackenzie said...

permission is one of the loveliest things you can give yourself. :) to be sad, to be happy, to be grumpy. just let it happen, make some tea and let it go :) sending you lots of love dear!

Ana Magdalena said...

I guess this feeling has been epidemic this week. It has been a rough one for me as well, maybe because the midterms were all scheduled at once, or maybe because my hormones were signaling the arrival of a monthly visitor. I'm just relieved the week is over and that I get the weekend to rest.

I hope your have a lovely-happy weekend!

Amanda @ New Adventures said...

I think its partly this time of year. Work has been stressful making life in general tougher. Wishing you a happy, uplifting weekend!

Emma Frances said...

I hope your weekend is everything that you need. And as always your writing is absolutely beautiful. I LOVE the imagery you bring with your writing.

Confessions of A Confused City Girl said...

Hope you feel better. It's almost summer time... cling to that reality :-)

~Sherine
Check out my blog, comment, and follow if you like!
Confessions Of A City Girl

Shalyn said...

I am sorry that it has been a rough few days for you- you describe it so beautifully though. Ill be praying for you, sweet friend!

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