Monday, June 11, 2012

where i have and haven't been

i apologize for the silence in these parts lately. truth is, i've been super busy. so busy that when robert surprised me at work and asked if i could take a quick walk to the end of the parking lot with him i said no. and right there, at eight in the evening on a saturday in june, those words were the meanest things i've ever spoken to my husband.

because yes, i could have taken a break to walk thirty feet with him.

yes, i could have put my ipad down and sat with pablo while he ate supper. my back against the warm knotty pine cabinets, stroking his back as he dove headfirst into the red bowl, then to the blue one for a drink. but i sat in the office instead and he moped around until he finally got his courage up enough to go into the kitchen without me, gulping down fistfulls of food in a fit of nerves.

yes, i could have called my sister and brother instead of texting them goodnight, like i've done every evening for the past week. heard her voice on the phone and his music in the background. but it was past midnight and i figured they'd be asleep. so i shot off a quick message and sunk dizzily into the bed.

and i could have made myself breakfast. or coffee. i could have taken a minute to sigh into child's pose or downward dog. just a second of stretch.

i could have read my Bible and played my hymns. tended to the garden better or made robert a home-cooked meal. well, at least a meal in the crock-pot.

because as terribly busy, exhausted and sleep-deprived as i was, those things matter. those things matter more than anything in this entire earth and they are worth my time.

it's important to do things as you are called. and it was actually an honor to be tasked with the work i was this week.

but i have another calling too. a deep, sacred, privileged calling. and it's about time i picked up.


Tiffany said...

Beautiful, Courtney. I feel the same. exact. way. It's hard managing the work and the privileged calling, isn't it? Thanks for the reminder!


kate said...

this was so good. because it was so truthful and full of honesty. thank you for the reminder that sometimes we get so wrapped up in the busy of life that sometimes we neglect the sacred and most valuable. like calls instead of texts. or late night walks and slow pets on the back. i hope your work you were working so dedicated on turned out well and that you are doing well. love you dearest :)

Ruthy said...

I don't like how we get consumed in everyday things and sometimes we forget that there are other things that matter more. I am glad you are able to realize the things you could have done different. Hopefully this week will be a better one for all of you.


Brandi {not your average ordinary} said...

Courtney, you said it so perfectly. I think it's easy to somehow forget to do the little things when life gets busy, but really, it's those little things that make all the difference in life. I need to put more into them myself.

Amber said...

Its so easy to forget about these so called "little things" when you get busy. I know I am guilty of it. I really try to make time for relaxing and catching up but sometimes it just doesnt work out. I guess I need to try a little harder.

Lynn {hearted girl} said...

oh Courtney, reading this brings my heart on the same level. i understand so well about taking time out and nourishing yourself and those you cherish by giving yourself the space you need. good for you on having this break. i'm sure Robert understood the haste, we've all said things to our mates that seem to have jumped out of our mouths and we have no idea how it happened.

one day recently at a movie theatre, Sean dropped our pop corn all over the floor. i looked at him skeptically and said something accusatory. 1 second later i wanted to punch myself in the face for it. i think stress plays strange tricks on us and our usually centered, calm selves get thrown for a loop. i wish you much balance and peace and of course many, many blessings! ♥

Kira said...

I remember days like that. Somehow, when you are in the moment, work seems so important. The day I realized that I was taking work too seriously was the day I was in the middle of giving a presentation at work while having regular contractions at work. I ended up having Pearl about 24 hours later and work didn't seem to matter at all then :)

chambanachik said...

Mm, so true.

Autumn said...

This is how I felt the majority of this school year...I'm so grateful for summer.

O'Melly said...

Thank you for the sweet reminder in my own life.. to prioritize and take time for what's most important. xox

Rachel Emma (Daydream Frenzy) said...

Soooo true! I def can relate.

daydream frenzy

Ana Magdalena said...

This is how I feel when the school is in session, I hope I can do it all (and manage my time better) when I start graduate school (wherever, and whenever that might be)

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