Friday, April 20, 2012
or just a stirring in my soul, who knows?
first: thank you all for the sweet birthday wishes and prayers for my presentation. i have never in my entire life felt the Spirit so tangibly. i was a bundle of nerves the entire day...up until the moment they called my name to present. a heavenly calm washed over me and i spoke clearer than ever. so really, thank you for rallying. now, the story:
this was it--the next big milestone. that next leap after 21 and before 30. john mayer called it a "quarter life crisis" and even though i can't say i agree with much that john says these days, i kind of like that sentiment.
but what does a quarter life crisis look like? it's not a mid-life one, with a cherry red convertible and boyfriend half my age. it's not a sweet sixteen meltdown with a tiara slipping down my forehead.
rather, this much resembles a quiet unfolding of self. of coming into my own, finally, for better or for worse. for example, i figured out on monday how i like my coffee. with the tiniest splash of cream and one sugar. i know exactly how may degrees left and right i need to turn the rusty metal knobs of the bathtub faucet to reach my perfect soaking temperature. i've come to understand that i really do need something on my feet at all times or i will catch a cold. that i have my mama's back and my grandma's knees.
i've learned i really just need a hot mug of coffee and maybe some pretty words, and that can be enough for the morning. that i simply don't care for rascal flatts. or the road. that i have a conscience the size of texas and can't even tell a fib on april fool's day. that i cry at the drop of a pin and wear out my emotions like the old bob dylan record on my shelf.
it's not much. no oprah moment. more of a slow exhale, an ah.......ha. so this is me. this is courtney. well, welcome girl.
with every catching of my reflection, i'm reminded there's a universe there. a world of favorites. of dislikes. of preferences.
and really, it's more of a metamorphosis. a jellyfish expanding and contracting in the sea. looking inward, facing outward, looking backward, moving forward.
a step and a leap. a fist and a palm.