Monday, September 12, 2011

shedding our summer skin


i woke in a fit. hours early. before that five-thirty moonlight fights with the six o'clock sunrise and creates a jagged spill of light onto our quilt.

and when it's a fit that wakes you, falling back to sleep is unbearable. i laid in the silence and thought for an hour until it was a logical time to stretch my weary arms and rouse pablo outside. there is no stiller moment, no calmer minutes, than those before everyone wakes. even nighttime, with its blanket of black, still buzzes with the aura of exhaustion. with twisting and turning and crickets outside and creaks and cracks as this old farmhouse settles its bones into a slumber.

but the morning? the morning is for thinking, and i thought. surprisingly, i found myself reminiscing. looking over at robert, his arm tucked under his neck and his legs tangled in the covers. that yellow quilt he hates because it's hot but i love because it's vintage. and over at pablo curled up in a tiny ball, the rise and fall of his downy chest the only flutter of movement around. thinking about how even now, even this morning, time is slipping and moving and roller coastering. wondering if my one-day babies will ever know pablo, at least the pablo i know now. it's getting harder for him to jump up on the bed and it's breaking my  heart.

and i don't take enough photographs. oh i take digital pictures plenty. but they stay on my camera or on my phone. i haven't made a photo album since high school. it was this realization that made me the most sad.

and, to top it all off, the tomatoes are gone.

the tomatoes that robert's grandpa watered twice a day for months. sent home to us in paper bags with little notes from his grandma. we ate the last one yesterday. the plants have shriveled and wilted and now fall is marching in with its heavy boots.

so i prayed for time to crawl and sunk back into the darkness, cocooning myself in the sacred space of morning, willing the sun to rise a little slower, the moon suspended a little longer. just enough time to take it all in, before it all starts moving at lightning speed once again.

13 comments:

Gentri said...

Aw. This is beautiful. I agree that the most beautiful time of day as at sunrise. :) that was my favorite time of day at our cabin. I'd be the only one awake and grab the heaviest coat I could find and head out to the hammock. :)

Jill said...

I love the flow of this, you are a great writer.

Blondie's Journal said...

Beautiful, Courtney.

XO,
Jane

HazelandMare said...

This summer truly did fly by! I was driving into work this morning behind a car advertising a number you could call to reserve a Santa for your holiday parties. Like, are people reserving Santas already? I need a little while to just breathe and be, you know?

Holli said...

You are SUCH a great writer.....

Amber Blue Bird said...

I do the same thing. I have so many photos just trapped on my camera that need to be developed.

Thisisme. said...

Beautifully written piece my friend. All my photos are now kept on my laptop, but, somehow, it's just not the same as sitting down and looking at them in a photo album. The summer has, indeed, almost finished - far, far too quickly and when you get older it really gets quite frightening at just how quickly our lives fly by.

Eleanor at Mirror Of My World said...

wow.. courtney i dont know what to say except please write your novel. your writing is beautiful and breathtaking and must be shared with the world.
also a few comments on your piece.. i love the quote, the only thing constant in the world is change. because this is our world.. things change and it gets scary so we must must live in the moment!! thank you for your wonderful comment about my poem. it meant so much coming from someone who is such a talented writer. xxxx

Ashley {hudson's happenings} said...

Time marches on. There is something about the change from Summer to Autumn that makes me realize this fact...more so than any other time.

Beautifully written, as always, Courtney.

Erin {pughs' news} said...

the morning is for thinking... i like that!

Janette said...

Oh Courtney.... I felt as if I was there....
Your words are magic...and better than any picture could capture...

Janette the Jongleur

Ana Magdalena said...

the sunrise is so relaxing and invigorating. I have been waking up extra early to go to the gym before work, driving my car at 5:40am with not a soul on the streets feels like the world is mine.

chambanachik said...

Time is so fickle...especially with babies, as I'm finding out.

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