Wednesday, January 5, 2011

you'll be the first to spin your story


after my shower last night, i looked in the mirror.

the tiny, silver rimmed one cleverly masking the medicine cabinet. with its still damp toothbrush.

and i took a second to examine my eyes. the curve of my lips, the shape of my forehead. the height of my cheekbones and the depths of my pupils. i tried to look subjectively. from an outside perspective. and i almost accomplished it. for a split second, i saw a stranger. past the familiar, the usual and the comfortable. into an alien state of out-of-body consciousness. i forgot my favorites. my likes and dislikes. my preferences and tastes. and just saw a girl. with wet hair in a bun and smudged mascara.

then my glance turned upward. to the tiny crevice emerging just slightly from the top of my left brow. a tiny pock mark no bigger than the head of a pushpin. a light scar from the time i had chickenpox in elementary school. in my impatience and utter agony, i had scratched at the surface of my skin, and everyone knows you don't scratch chickenpox. you just don't.

and i returned. to myself, the evening, the present.

because it was quite possible, that at that very moment, another girl was doing the exact same thing, wet hair and all. maybe in paris. maybe in ecuador. maybe right down the road. there was a chance that her hair was wet, that she had just taken a deliciously hot bath. that her mascara was leaking.

but i knew for certain, beyond any doubt creeping in with the moon, that no one was running her finger across a tiny, circular imprint just above her brow. jaggedly round, with a raised right side.

that was just me. just courtney.

36 comments:

Casey said...

Great post! :) It's so true that at any given time there are always lots of people doing the same thing, but there is only one you!

xo,
Casey
www.blondebargainbabe.com

jeanette from everton terrace said...

Beautiful. I am a woman with many scars from many surgeries and my husband says they are a badge of strength that show I'm a survivor. It has taken me a long time to embrace them. Good for you.

Jenni Austria Germany said...

i actually did not know you don't scratch chicken pox!!! good to know. (this is what happens when you get it at the age of 6 months, i guess).

Ana* said...

How inspiring!! Learning to accept ourselves completely, and our scars comes with self growth and maturity. I think being comfortable in your own body is what sets apart a child from an adult.

Louder than Silence said...

What a beautfully written post. Loved every single word. Sally x

Tunes & Spoons said...

you. amaze. me.

you are so uniquely you and I am me. isnt that what makes this world so unbearably wonderful?

Debby said...

Wow, you are such a great writer. I feel like I just read the first chapter in a great novel and was disappointed when it ended. Did you ever think of writing a book? Thanks for stopping by Inspired Design... I am now following you. xo

Ren- Lady Of The Arts said...

Love this post- so well written- It is so true- everyone is the same yet perfectly different-

Thisisme said...

This post just proves to me how unique you are vintch, with your tiny, circular imprint just above your brow!

Laura said...

Beautifully written as always. I too have a chicken pox scar, but underneath my lip... but my elder sister pinned me down and knocked it off... how mean? We laugh about it now though... I guess it will alway make me think of my sister! Lx

Blondie's Journal said...

It is amazing how scars just turn into another one of our features...except with a history.

XO,
Jane

Vic said...

i believe i have the same chickenpox scar and had a moment of looking at a stranger in the mirror...your so fabulous! i love how much we can relate!:) xoxo

the southern hostess said...

Your words consistently amaze me! I have a chicken pox scar on my nose. It's funny how things change. I used to despise it, then I grew to accept it, and now I actually like it.

*S said...

Oh heavens I too have a scar in the same exact place from a chicken pox.. Those darn pox I tell ya!

Amy said...

I have a scar on my right eyebrow right in it's arch. And I try to overlook it. I'm about to try to do what you just described. I've never tried to look at myself from an outsider's perspective. You are such an incredible writer and always bring your reader to a reality that we don't usually notice. Reading your blog is like a breath of fresh air.

Mo Pie, Please said...

So beautiful!

Jessica said...

Someone, somewhere was doing the exact same thing, I'm sure. I have thoughts about that kind of thing all the time! There's too many people in the world! :)

Emily said...

you are such an incredible writer! I truly feel like I know you better after each of your posts, they transport me into some sort of novel they always seem so magical. I have the same thoughts sometimes about if other people are doing the same thing as me at the same time, kind of an interesting thought :)

lindsay said...

hello love! i sometimes find myself doing just what you did last night...only i have a tiny little scar under my eye from a dog that bit me as a child.

i love your message here...it is interesting to think about people around the world doing the same type of things :)

xoxo

elise said...

LOVE this. You're so right and I have thought this before (Though you phrased it a billion times more eloquently than I could ever have hoped to.)

Thanks for sharing.

Amber Blue Bird said...

i just love stopping by and reading your words. You are able to put your thoughts together so eloquently.

therufflyowl said...

This is one of my favorite blogs now. Just thought you should know!

Kimbirdy said...

how lovely! just,... so beautifully said. i love all my unique qualities that make me me, even though other girls are 5' tall with brown crazy hair and eyes that change color depending on what they wear. i think life is best when we all embrace the things that make us so special.

KcomeKarolina said...

beautiful!
Happy New Year!

xoxo from rome
K.
http://kcomekarolina.blogspot.com/

Jill said...

Sometimes i look in the mirror and can scare myself by being like "that isn't me." I don't know it's hard to explain.

Jill said...

I'm now a follower p.s. :)

jenna ♥ a little blue said...

amazing posts :) totally amazing

Daydream Living said...

Dear Courtney,
I wish you all the best for this new year, with more colored tights and beautiful stories! I'm glad our paths have crossed here in Blogland and I will come back with my cuppa to read all the posts I have missed. Hugs, Maureen x

Brooke said...

beautiful post! I am actually glad I got to read this and notice someone else does this besides me! I am always trying to look at myself from an outside perspective like "what do other people see" and then I just go looking at all my imperfections.

Daydream Living said...

{I still have to make my list of 4...I will do so, I promise! Maureen xx}

I'm AE Jones said...

So thoughtful!

Ashley said...

We are all so much alike, yet so different at the same time. This is such a thought provoking and lovely post, my friend! :)

mskanorado said...

I have wondered if someone else was somewhere doing the same thing me, somewhere else! Would be interesting to know huh? Its so hard sometimes to look at ourselves with a loving and outsiders perspective!

A Serenade for Solitude said...

Sometimes it's the quiet moment that feel a tad mundane when a little glow of uniqueness hits. Those are the little things that I'm after, and I'm happy that this moment was yours. xx

Grace said...

i find myself in front of the mirror just like you at times, but i'm usually squishing the freakin' pimples i get on my forehead. sorry if this just grossed you out.. i just look at my imperfect face and forget to look beyond that face. great post, really thoughtful.

beka said...

this is like part of a book.
it's beautiful and real.
keep writing!! <3

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