to be full of days

i picked up my bible last night, and watched as it fell open to the book of job. then my eyes fell on a description of the man. the man who was tested and tried. who stayed true to his faith in the midst of unspeakable loss. the bible describes him as a man "full of days." i read the verse slowly and thought about it. what it means to be full of days. full of minutes, seconds. moments and events. about life as a noun. a collection of interactions. of sunrises and evenings. coffee in the mornings and the blue light of nighttime television. if we really tried, life can be contained and sorted. organized and laid out in a domino-like procession.

but it's also a devastatingly beautiful assembly of the in-between. the kisses under the covers with the lamplight on. sunshine sifting through car windows at a red light. a silent hug. a hot cup of tea at three in the afternoon.

there are experiences that simply don't fit into the schema of "days." yes, monday is a workday. but it's also the one day a week i get to cook for robert. the evening we take a walk. free movie code day at redbox. but so often, all i see is the workday, and fail to see the outlying grace that falls just outside the definition.

job lived 140 years. if i'm lucky, i'll live a little over half of that. and i want to reach the end of my life full of days. but more than that, so much more than that, i want to be full of life.

i don't think i'll ever live long enough to absorb the resplendence of this earth. but little by little, i can learn to squeeze the most out of my time here. to restructure my week from seven distinct time frames into thousands of little joys. it will happen slowly. but as job reminded me, most good things usually do take some time.