the good fight

robert and i had a fight the other day. 

a simple quarrel in the middle of the grocery store aisle. 

trying to hush and silence the rising volume in our voices as we grasped onto our salami. a little disagreement about whether to use cash or card to purchase our items. perhaps the lamest argument in history. 

but it escalated and resulted in hurt feelings. in a digging up of past wrongs, current struggles and worries about the future. we didn't speak the whole way home. and twenty minutes feels like eternity with the black highway rolling silently beneath your wheels. even pablo could sense something was wrong, and sounded a muffled whimper until we pulled into the driveway. 

and we worked it out. we sat on our sofa with the christmas lights twinkling. the television grumbling in the background, i positioned myself in the safe, warm crook of his strong arms. and we talked. honestly. rawly. for a long time. our voices loud in the air of the living room at midnight. and in the end, all was okay. we would have stayed up and talked all night, if we had to. and for a while there, i thought that very well might be what it took.

because we're not perfect. because we were tired. because sometimes, a healthy spat is needed in a relationship. of course there are deal-breakers. like hitting. and cheating. and lying. never okay. but a fight that forces you to look introspectively, to consult your actions and how they affect the ones you love? occasionally good for you.

because when i stood at the alter of the church i grew up in, my 21-year-old fingers, shaking with excitement and nerves, sliding on his wedding ring, i made a promise.

to love him. yes, in sickness and health, for better or for worse. but those are common words. they are holy and beautiful, but they need to be translated sometimes.

what that means is i will love you even if you wear a million white undershirts and our laundry pile is always twice the size of normal even though it's just us two. you will love me even if i forget you hate quiche and make a tuna casserole with eggs that ends up quite quiche-like. i will love you through layoffs, promotions, babies and grandbabies. through family deaths and births.

and yes, i will love you through fights at the grocery store. especially ones that result in making up over reruns of E! news and hot cider.

because the fact is, this man still sleeps to the left of me. he is mine and i am forever his. constantly learning and growing with him. this wasn't our first fight and it won't be our last. we're not done with little challenges.

but we're not done loving, either. 

as long as we both shall live.