an awakening over soup

something happened last night.

between slipping off my high heels and slipping on my pajamas, a change washed over me. perhaps not a change, but more of an awakening. of something often latent inside my spirit.

i felt feminine. not just girly, but overwhelmingly, achingly feminine.  through deadlines, paperwork and meetings, it can be easy to slip into an androgynous zone, where i lose touch of what drives me curl my hair in the morning and paint my toenails in the wintertime.

it happened in the kitchen. with night settling into the bones of our house, floorboards creaking under my slippered feet. robert was watching television with pablo sprawled across his lap. 

and i was making soup. standing over a boiling pot, letting the rising steam pour its sweet breath over my eyelids. not thinking about work, or that evening's plans or what to make for dessert. that was when it first crept up on me. that womanly notion. and it wasn't just because i was making dinner for my family. it was actually quite the opposite--i was only thinking of myself for a little bit.

it happened because i felt like my mama. and standing over that burner, i felt like my grandma too. this isn't to say that a woman can only be feminine standing over a stove. oh it's far, far deeper than that. nor do i think you have to be obviously feminine to be a whole, complete, beautiful woman. rather, it's about claiming the right to be happy in the kitchen, in that silent, sacred space. it's actually a rather forward-thinking idea, to take back that room as ours, rather than just a vessel through which to please. i felt feminine because i was taking time to feel the woman in me. to sit for a second and wait for the water to boil.

that soup was making me happy in that moment, and fine and dandy if the rest of my family wanted some as well. but this wasn't about them. because i can't be the kind of wife, daughter and doggie mama i want to be unless i take time to indulge myself occasionally. for me tonight, this meant standing over soup and letting my worries evaporate to the ceiling.

so i'll share the recipe with you, along with some pictures from my evening, in hopes that this soup will be for you whatever you need it to be.

lentil soup

ingredients

2 tablespoons olive oil, plus extra for drizzling

1 medium onion, chopped

2 carrots, peeled and chopped

2 celery stalks, chopped

2 garlic cloves, chopped

Salt and freshly ground black pepper

1 (14 1/2-ounce) can diced tomatoes

1 pound lentils (approximately 1 1/4 cups)

11 cups low-salt chicken broth

4 to 6 fresh thyme sprigs (i left these out)

2/3 cup dried elbow pasta

1 cup shredded Parmesan

directions 

Add the garlic, salt, and pepper and saute until all the vegetables are tender, about 5 to 8 minutes.  

Add the tomatoes with their juices.

Simmer until the juices evaporate a little and the tomatoes break down, stirring occasionally, about 8 minutes. Add the lentils and mix to coat. 

Cover and simmer over low heat until the lentils are almost tender, about 30 minutes. *tip: if you leave a wooden spoon in your pot, it won't over-boil.

Stir in the pasta. Simmer until the pasta is tender but still firm to the bite, about 8 minutes.
Season with salt and pepper, to taste.

Ladle the soup into bowls. Sprinkle with the Parmesan, drizzle with olive oil, and serve.

so try it. indulge in what makes you feel like you, feminine or not. whether it's making soup, writing, or fly fishing. because if it's special enough to make you happy,

it's special indeed.