with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair

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robert and i are off this weekend to the high country bus festival. we're loading up our bus with our suitcases, camp gear, my brother and his girlfriend. for two days spent high in the mountains of north carolina. where we will be among more than 250 volkswagen buses, forestland, live music and a long river. i've packed up my tie-dyed tops, long dresses and aviators, leaving the practical items, such as a camp stove, lantern, citronella candle, etc. up to robert.

i'll give you three guesses who doesn't want us to go.

you could fry an egg, or your mind

this week has just about done me in.

july has almost reached its capacity, and as we nose forward, inching minute by minute toward the heat wave masquerading as august, these last few days have been exhausting.

i've stared into too many screens and too few sunsets. i've spent way too much time in my car and not enough on my front porch swing. i found myself almost crawling through the front door last night, with just enough energy to lie on the hardwoods and let pablo sprawl all over me, his paws in my damp hair. school. work. volunteering. heck, even eating has seemed like a chore. thank goodness for summer and its light, simple meals.

i've given up this week on fixing my hair. curls deflate upon my first step outside. likewise, i've forgone eyeliner. even my usual lipstick has remained tucked in my mama's old floral change purse, deep in the abyss of my pocketbook. if nature is going to rear itself so heavily, in such a desperate show, i'm going to reciprocate by airing my natural self.

but yesterday, while waiting on a friend, i pulled out that tube of lipstick. and gave myself a quick swipe. and sitting in my car, with the a/c on full blast and my hair pulled back, i swear i felt...dare i even say it?...cool. as in less hot, not in terms of swagger.

it's a funny thing, this weather. i curse and  bless it all in the same breath. but thankfully, if i can depend on anything, it's that this weather will turn. and give way to snow showers and rainy mornings. hands stuffed in mittens and cheeks chapped with chill. and i'm not quite ready for that just yet.

so i soldier on. with sweaty hair and melted half-makeup and a tired, sleepy mind that just wants to sleep. in a cool room with a fan. for about 50 hours. yes, that would be enough.

photo source

i also have a label maker

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i didn't have a blog last september. the month i spent creating my travel binder for our west coast road trip. the one with the sheet protectors and the tabbed dividers. with the cover illustrations and spine decoration. it was a beauty, and i'll keep it forever. it's got ticket stubs, copies of plane tickets, pictures and reservation numbers in its clutches. what started as a way to organize all the chaos that comes with a long journey turned into a scrapbook without my intention.

and i've started another one. for our october 2011 trip. this time, we want to head up the east coast on route 1. to explore everything our side of the nation has to offer. from philly to atlantic city. from NYC to cape cod. i want to see the leaves turn as we head north and pull on jeans and heavy boots to walk around old city streets at night. i want to stay in little, inexpensive motels and save our money for the food. to stay up late and get up early and pack and shove all we can into about one week.

it's such a process, planning. but when it comes to life, man oh man. when that scanned, black and white picture of the golden gate bridge is replaced with the real, towering structure itself, and when the reservation number for that special cafe only the locals know about transforms into a bowl of steaming chowder on the misty oregon coast, it makes it all worth it.

in college, i once assembled a massive binder of 65 daily news clippings for an extra credit assignment in my sophomore year journalism class. when i pulled it out of my book bag, contents poking out of the edges, thick with effort and time and long nights with glue sticks, my professor looked at me in disbelief. i didn't think anyone was seriously going to do that assignment, he said as he took my project.

don't underestimate the power of a girl who loves organization.

(and extra credit in a terribly difficult class.)

a night with NKOTBSB and a morning with you

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dear,

as you well know, i went to the NKOTBSB concert saturday night. and it did not disappoint. but i want to tell you something. matthew morrison was the opening act. he was wearing his trademark fedora. he flashed his dimpled smile and sashayed across the stage, crooning jazz hits and spinning around. but my heart only skipped one beat, not the two i expected, when he whispered in to the microphone and looked up into the camera, his blue eyes twinkling. similarly, my temperature only rose a few degrees when donnie wahlberg ran across the stage, ripped off his tank top and threw it into the crowd, though others around me fanned themselves in exasperated desperation.

and then, when my favorite backstreet boy, nick, chose a woman from the crowd, placed her on a barstool and sang just to her, leaning over into a backbend across her lap, i only felt the slightest tinge of jealousy, unmatched by the shouts and hollers echoing off the coliseum walls. they sang. they danced. they pelvic thrust their way into the night. and i watched in enjoyment, it is true.

but on sunday, as we sat in church. on the hard-backed chairs. we bowed our heads and you. you reached for my hand and held it between yours as we prayed. and i felt my heart leap to my toes and swell with love.

that, my sweet, is the right stuff.

the art of doing nothing

my parents used to put me to bed around 7:30 each night.

when i would hear the familiar chords of the entertainment tonight theme song, i knew it was time. time to go brush my teeth and head upstairs, the sun not quite set. mama, quite correctly, later told me the early bedtime sentence was enforced because i never took naps, and plum wore them out. but their plan for me to catch an early slumber was always foiled, because late afternoon sunbeams would peer through my thin floral sheets and i ended up reading until night fell.

alone in my tiny twin bed, i devoured the babysitter's club. american girl. goosebumps. and later, when my sister and i shared a room, we would lie in the same dusky sunset and spill our secrets, with only the pale pink couch to witness.

i was never one to nap. never one to relax or calm down or take it easy.

but then, one day, i found myself married. to a man who relishes and adores sleep almost as much as he is enamored with me. a man who, if left alone, can sleep until one in the afternoon. and i found myself all of a sudden aware. of the beauty of doing nothing. the art of it, really.

so when my family went to the beach this year, i only read two pages of the book i brought along. i tried to work on homework. i really did.

but instead, i walked along the shore with mama and carly, kicking up little showers of sand with my toes and lying in the water, giving myself a makeshift sea salt scrub with rocks brought in by the waves.

i ate long dinners and went back for seconds. i watched movies and took walks around the neighborhood at seven in the evening, and peered into the houses of families not unlike my own, making supper from ocean catches and gathering around long wooden tables.

i caught up with family i haven't seen in a while. my sweet grandfather and his beautiful, kind-hearted wife. my great-aunt who knows the best way to fry a flounder is with cornmeal, and my great uncle and second cousin who rise with the sun to go out on the boat. they've all got such beautiful hearts.

it may have taken me 24 years, but i've learned. how to rest, body and mind. how to really capture that sweet feel of sleep. and i owe it all to the man who lies to the left of me every night, whose breaths and sighs are the lullaby of our little cottage.

and the best part is, he lets me stay up as late as i want to. oh, adulthood!

**i'm thrilled to be posting today as part of feed the birdies' "what girls like" series. head on over to check out my thoughts on one of my great loves, thrifting!

a birthday slideshow

we are home.

we came back to soybean fields a foot taller, houseplants a bit thirstier. we are a bit browner, calmer and more centered. the beach is spectacular. no matter how many times you've seen it or tasted it salty waters. its enchanting.

and instead of unpacking, instead of working on piles of schoolwork or laundry, i spent hours making this little video. because our little pablo turned eight today and we celebrated in grand style. with dog food cupcakes and trivia games and a cookout for our families. because i'm a proud mama, and if we're being honest, pablo's a total ham.

 

to be continued

we're soaking up some carolina sunshine this week. the sand is warm and the waves are gentle. regular blogging will commence very soon. in the meantime, i hope everything is beautiful where you are. and i hope you are smiling. and i hope, in your little corner of the world, there is love.