diving into now

 

i was awakened this morning by phone calls from my sweet family. a chorus of the voices i love to hear the most serenading me from right down the road, then from miles and states away. robert made me my favorite egg, cheese and mustard sandwich and i curled my hair. for today is my birthday, and as such, celebrations both little and big must ensue.

i started thinking as i got dressed about all the things i hope this year holds. materialistic and maternal dreams alike started popping into my head. but then i kissed my husband and pup goodbye and promised i'd see them tonight. and the sunrise hit the pavement and cut through the crab apple tree and i was reminded that now, yes right now. now is good.

or just a stirring in my soul, who knows?

 first: thank you all for the sweet birthday wishes and prayers for my presentation. i  have never in my entire life felt the Spirit so tangibly. i was a bundle of nerves the entire day...up until the moment they called my name to present. a heavenly calm washed over me and i spoke clearer than ever. so really, thank you for rallying. now, the story:


25.

this was it--the next big milestone. that next leap after 21 and before 30. john mayer called it a "quarter life crisis" and even though i can't say i agree with much that john says these days, i kind of like that sentiment.

but what does a quarter life crisis look like? it's not a mid-life one, with a cherry red convertible and boyfriend half my age. it's not a sweet sixteen meltdown with a tiara slipping down my forehead.

rather, this much resembles a quiet unfolding of self. of coming into my own, finally, for better or for worse. for example, i figured out on monday how i like my coffee. with the tiniest splash of cream and one sugar. i know exactly how may degrees left and right i need to turn the rusty metal knobs of the bathtub faucet to reach my perfect soaking temperature. i've come to understand that i really do need something on my feet at all times or i will catch a cold. that i have my mama's back and my grandma's knees.

i've learned i really just need a hot mug of coffee and maybe some pretty words, and that can be enough for the morning. that i simply don't care for rascal flatts. or the road. that i have a conscience the size of texas and can't even tell a fib on april fool's day. that i cry at the drop of a pin and wear out my emotions like the old bob dylan record on my shelf.

it's not much. no oprah moment. more of a slow exhale, an ah.......ha. so this is me. this is courtney. well, welcome girl.

with every catching of my reflection, i'm reminded there's a universe there. a world of favorites. of dislikes. of preferences.

and really, it's more of a metamorphosis. a jellyfish expanding and contracting in the sea. looking inward, facing outward, looking backward, moving forward.

a step and a leap. a fist and a palm.

today

 today is the day i give the biggest speech of my life. today is the day i slay those demons.

oh, and today is my birthday!

lots of big things.

back tomorrow with a more thoughtful post! in the meantime, prayers please.

two essential topics

#1: today is my sister's birthday. she is turning twenty. twenty!

the girl who slept feet from me all her life until i left for college.

the girl who made my phone calls in high school when i just couldn't and stood beside me at my wedding.

the girl who is infinitely more  beautiful, kind and good-hearted than i could ever hope to be.

i love you, carly. and i'm honored to call you my best friend. the sisters thing is just the icing.

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#2: today i'm over at my friend sarah's blog, desirous of everything. sarah asked me to do a little how-to post. and i thought. and thought some more. i've seen super blog tutorials about how to make bib necklaces. how to sew a wallet. how to cook a delish nutrish meal.

but i can't do any of those things, so i began to feel like a tiny failure.

then i looked at my ankles and saw my bundle of fluff, pablo. and remembered.

i am an expert in doggie belly rubs.

so hop on over and watch as i break down the art of the belly rub into seven easy steps! then give sarah some love because her blog is a true treasure. just try to not get lost in her writing. just try!

camping with an eagle scout, on his birthday

 

i married an eagle scout.

i'm reminded of this every time we take an evening walk and he points out the constellations. when he tries to teach me the cardinal directions, only to grow frustrated when i insist that north is always the direction right in front of me. he's thoughtful, considerate and most of all, prepared.

when we first went camping, the packing took days. he thought of every last detail, down to a funky light that hung from the tent and cast a pretty glow. he brought pots and pans for boiling pasta, a tarp in case it rained, and a lantern that stayed in the box the entire time.

so for his birthday, i surprised him. when he picked me up at work for our "dinner date" i showed him my car. i rose with the sun on friday morning and packed everything we would need for an impromptu camping trip at the local park. with the floorboards sighing with morning, i got his clothes and toiletries together and packed a bazillion blankets to shield us from north carolina's weekend cold front. i told him to bring pablo.

and together, we set up camp in less than half an hour. and i zipped us three up inside and held them both close as rain bounced off the tent. we talked and ate lunchables deep into the morning.

happy birthday, babe. you're the best, scouts honor.

a birthday slideshow

we are home.

we came back to soybean fields a foot taller, houseplants a bit thirstier. we are a bit browner, calmer and more centered. the beach is spectacular. no matter how many times you've seen it or tasted it salty waters. its enchanting.

and instead of unpacking, instead of working on piles of schoolwork or laundry, i spent hours making this little video. because our little pablo turned eight today and we celebrated in grand style. with dog food cupcakes and trivia games and a cookout for our families. because i'm a proud mama, and if we're being honest, pablo's a total ham.

 

my 24th birthday

i turned 24 on sunday and spent the whole weekend with family. my sister came home from college and my brother took time out of his high school prom weekend to spend with me. and when i blew out the candles, every milestone in my life was by my side. from my first steps to my first kiss, these people have seen it all. and i am so deeply in love with each of them.

 

robert, the sneaky little angel he is, has been setting aside money from his paycheck since christmas to buy me a new laptop. the best part about it was the wrapping. after i fell asleep one night, he cut out words from magazines to spell out an odd, yet endearing message. it read:

"just inside, we've raised the bar. contact us every tuesday for the view on how this is the shocking present."

bless his heart. i love that guy. that message makes no sense, but i guess when all you've got to work with is entertainment weekly and us weekly magazines, you are a bit limited.

another fabulous part of the weekend was the cake that mama got. a girl at my old high school makes cakes, and she created one based around my and pablo's Best Friends Club:

so life is beautiful. and next year's birthday might bring a quarter-life crisis. but joining hands with my loved ones yesterday, around a cake flaming with candles, i knew that whatever this year brings, i'll be more than okay.