the kindness of it all

there are monsters in this world. they are in back alleyways at midnight, and in corporate conference rooms at noon. they are sons. daughters. mamas. robert and i have recently taken to watching 48 hours and dateline. and it's awful, the things people are capable of.

but for the life of me, i just can't shake the realization that as a whole, people are kind. they are sweet and generous and when they're not, there's a reason, and it typically has nothing to do with the situation at hand. or with you.

i wrote about this idea once. after a christmas shopping trip. intoxicated by the carols and the sweet hot cider. just as everyone looks beautiful in candlelight, everyone looks sweet under tinsel.

but i had the same thought this past week--on a random friday in the middle of the afternoon. sitting at my desk with sunlight streaming in through the cracked blinds.

there's a non-profit organization a few cities over. one meeting with one sweet woman last monday and it was settled. they are paying for my speech easy device. every single penny of it. an accumulation of heartache, prayer and wishful thinking, all coming to a head as the week came to an end.

i spent the weekend in awe of it all. sending whispered prayers of thanks up to heaven, swinging on the front porch swing letting autumn wrap its cool, wispy arms around me.

i've seen a lot of this world. i've been mocked and laughed at. i've felt like toe scum after being walked upon. people have hurt me to the core and left me forever changed.

but for all their faults, people can also be extraordinarily kind-hearted. and i declare, they are good.

entertaining angels

if we treat people as they are, we make them worse. if we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.-  goethe

i had a bump-up about a month ago. just a little fender bender in front of my favorite local gas station. as i was pulling in front of the building, a woman backed up in to me, though i honked very loudly the entire time the black SUV was moving. it was my first accident ever. and i know i'm lucky it was so minor.

but the woman was anything but simple. she was difficult to work with, elusive and quick to flee the scene.

she told me she would e-mail me her insurance number. she didn't.

she told me she had insurance. she didn't.

and her little lies and deceptions cost me almost two months of headache and stress, the eventual outcome being that i was covered under my non-insured motorist insurance and all was well.

but i was angry. angry that her mistake cost me. angry that i had to spend hours on the phone, a stutterer's worst nightmare. angry that for two months, i had to drive around with my front bumper halfway hanging off while an insurance agent tried to reach her via snail mail.

but she's not the last. there will be others, i am sure of it. ones who will tear down the wall of sunshine i've built. ones whose clouds will helplessly wander into my beams. but it's how i treat those people that spins the situation. yes, i could be dealing with an instrument of satan. but i could also be entertaining angels. and on this side of heaven, i might not always know the difference.

so i overestimate the good. and trust. in promises that might turn up empty and strangers who only seem sincere. i do it in hopes that maybe one day, on an afternoon when i'm not my best, when i'm grouchy, angry and downright mean, someone will do the same for me.

finding the good.

you tell them-we've all got meanness in us, but we've got goodness too. and the only thing worth living for is the good.

-where the heart is

while leaving the post office yesterday, i walked behind a woman. she in her navy slacks and blazer. me in my peacoat and scarf. my steps matched hers on the cold cement floor, both of us making a racket in our high heels, like angry ladybugs flickering over a light bulb.

and i knew she saw me. felt my presence behind her, as much as i felt the presence of the man behind me, walking slower than us, falling a few steps behind.

so it came as a surprise when she opened the door and let its heavy weight sling back in my face, not pausing or looking behind her. talking on her cell phone and hurrying to her sedan. in her defense, perhaps i'm wrong and she didn't see me, in which case my emotions were totally unmerited. but in that moment, with my lunch hour almost over and my chilly hands stuffed into my pockets, i felt my heart sink. i backed away quickly enough to avoid any impact. but what an impact it made.

i turned and held the door for the man behind me and was rewarded with his gentle half-smile. he was older, much older and was taking his time getting to his car. i waited while he shuffled to the exit.

and i realized that humans are humans. we make mistakes. we are forgetful, jealous, rude and unkind at times. but we're good too. and like natalie portman so beautiful narrarates to ashley judd, that's the only part that's worth anything at all.

so yesterday evening, while christmas shopping with robert, i looked for it. the good, that is.

and i found it.

in the bald man ringing the salvation army bell outside the grocery store, wind rippling at his jeans. in his smile and friendly "have a blessed day."

in the sweet woman behind the sushi counter who giggled when i said we didn't know how to use chopsticks. the way she piled extra forks and knives on our plates as if to make up for our lack of skills.

in the store clerk passing out fresh cranberry oatmeal cookies while we shopped. in her unassuming red sweater and black slacks, begging us to try one, explaining how they were freshly baked.

in my kind neighbor. paralyzed from the waist down and lying in bed for two years. her overwhelming gratitude for my notary services. talking about the importance of coupons, sharing the love of Christ with me through her eyes.

in my mama, greeting me this evening with more brightly colored tights and a new oreo dessert. making her home a place i want to come back to, again and again.

there's so much good--so much beauty--in this world, that i sometimes don't know what to do with it all. so i do what i can. i gather it up and spread it. some of it i keep in my heart for times like today. when people slam the door in my face. when people disappoint and hurt me, or worse-when i hurt others. it's my own little cushion from life's hard blows.

it's just that simple. trust in the kindness of people. there are certainly some rotten ones out there, but unlike apples, a few can't spoil the bunch. because the bunch is inheritently, totally,

beautifully.

good.

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