Wednesday, October 10, 2012

while i was out

wow. it's been a while, huh? i don't know what caused this funk. this little hiatus that ballooned into a downright break. from blogging. from facebooking. from looking at any screen that was not required by work or school. two beasts, busy season at work and my last semester of grad school, decided to burrow their little faces into my life at once, and in this case, the concept of "the more, the merrier" was lost.

so i gave it up for a bit. and in the mornings i sat on the kitchen counter in the dark and thought about the day. and in the evenings, i took long walks to mom and dad's and didn't think about that blue light beckoning me from my little red desk.

but as it always does, the need to write was uncompromising. the need to put words to this heart stirring. so hi! as much as i truly want to, i can't promise my posts won't be sporadic until december. until i can finally slay one of those beasts by donning an oversized black cape and square hat with tassle. i'll stomp on him in my heels as i walk across the creaky old stage in the church where graduation is held.

what i've noticed on my time away is this: there is a sacredness to free time. there is a deliberate holiness to how we choose to spend those minutes, hours or entire, blessed days that are ours for the filling. and somewhere between the supper dishes in the sink, the tennis ball thrown down the short corridor between the bathroom and the bedroom for the hundredth time to a pup who never seems to tire, the refilling of the coffee cup, the wine glass, and the water bottle, the opening of a new book just to fall asleep against the cool cotton, and the conversation that starts small between family around an antique supper table then mushrooms into guffaws and shouts of hilarity and smiles that say i know you and love you all the same, we find God.

because it's not just in the opening of the Bible or the fellowship between believers or the late-night prayers whispered up from the depths of the covers that we engage in this way. it is entered into, often unintentionally, by the simple act of living. when we reveal our truest self in that split second we aren't trying to pretend to be someone else. when, for even the briefest of glimpses, we let that shell crack. when the lipstick is off and the bangs are pushed back and the old t-shirt emerges.

it is there that we remember, oh yes. this is who i was. this is who i am. and Lord help me, this is who i want to always be.

12 comments:

Cassie said...

ahhh, such poetry in this life of yours. so sacred and blessed! i'm happy that you've been refueled and you let go of the pressure to be in all places at once. we need those times, yes we do. xx

Audrey said...

This post was worth the wait. :)

Magdalena said...

I missed your writing! I hope school is going well. Yay to finishing graduate school, what an accomplishment!!

Blondie's Journal said...

I have missed your wise words! Good luck with all that you are doing! :)

XO,
Jane

Tiffany said...

Glad you're back, even sporadically! :)

~Tiffany
http://tiffanyd22.blogspot.com

Kaity Teer said...

Oh my. I haven't commented on your blog in a very long time. I gave up blogging a year and a half ago but I kept on reading in my Google reader. I've been back for a month or so. Just wanted to send a little note to say that I'm so glad you're back.

thisisme said...

Always lovely to see a post from you my friend and to read your oh so wise words! Wishing you well until we see you here again. Lots of people seem to have been taking bloggy breaks recently.

Suz Johnson-Simpson said...

This brought tears to my eyes.:) Your words capture like so few can.

chambanachik said...

Mmmhmm! I just wrote something similar and totally agree.

Although I so missed reading your posts!

Kira said...

Beautiful post. It sounds like a break was a great choice. And graduation is almost here, yay!

Claire said...

ive just been going through the blogs i follow and when i got to yours i thugh i hadn't read a post from you in a while! i think we need to have a break now and then otherwise we will forget about real life altogether!

Ren- Lady Of The Arts said...

that's funny- I guess I took a little break too- somewhere from Aug to Oct…

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