Wednesday, January 18, 2012

to be wild, or how i won 30 cents in atlantic city


i wore gray and black yesterday. a thrifted blouse with pretty pleats that, when the shoulder pads were removed (for the love of all things vintage, what purpose did shoulder pads ever serve?), was actually quite lovely.

and as i pulled my paper from the corporate printer, someone behind me said, oh, is this the week of gray and black? i looked down and yes. i was wearing the same combination. this time, zippered black pants about ten years old and a bejeweled gray top from express. the one i bought in high school. before our mall was bought out and slowly, one by one, the stores started packing up shop. express was one of the first to go.

it's safe, i suppose. the always handy, always pleasing, palette of gray. but then again, maybe i'm the safe one. you see the picture above? it's me in atlantic city. i gambled $2.00. i lost $1.70. i'm not cut out for the risk. the chance. (plus, the slot machines were very confusing, there were no instructions posted anywhere and all i did was press buttons.)

but what my co-worker didn't know is that i, too, can be a bit rebellious. but it might look different than most.

i feel wild when i wear a new bright lipstick. when i catch myself in the rearview at just the right moment in the afternoon and think, yes. that shade is yours.

when i forget that i'm tired, that it's been a long day, and that i have work in the morning, and go sit in a dark theater with robert. the one downtown without stadium seating, so you really can't see anyway. sliding my hand under his arm and just listening.

when i laugh uncontrollably at something that's not even that funny, and when i dance in the kitchen at twilight.
when i walk down our old country lane and look at pablo running headfirst into the breeze.
when the mail comes.
when the morning comes.
when the flannel is still warm from the dryer.

there are many things that bring me alive. that make me feel sunny. even if i choose wardrobe staples that are decidedly stormy.

15 comments:

Ana Magdalena said...

I feel wild when I drive alone and sing to the point my lungs might explode, and when I wear the new red lipstick I purchased for new years.

ps: I hope you write a book someday my friend.

Katie said...

I love this! I feel wild when I drive at sunset with the windows down, sing loud in the kitchen while I cook dinner, whistle while cleaning the bathroom, and when I wear a nice pair of heels.

I like my wild :)

Niina - It seems pretty obvious. said...

What a lovely post (as always). It's those little wild things :)

And hooray for black and grey (from october-march it almost the only colors I wear, except some beige, white and denim).

Ashley said...

This is so great... and it reminds me of myself! I laughed at your AC experience, as it was really similar to mine! That's okay, though, there are SO many other ways to feel wild :)

Jennifer Rod said...

Well said Courtney! I too dance randomly. I usually do it in my friend's kitchen when no one is watching. :)

Kira said...

I wear a lot of grey and black too, maybe they could be considered boring, but I think they are timeless staples to a wardrobe :)

adesertgirl said...

Gray and black is classic. And classy. And timeless. And always in style.

For me, wild is a Saturday with absolutely nothing on the agenda. Or a good book that I simply can't put down even if it means that I'm losing valuable sleep time to read it.

So I totally get what you're saying.

Amber said...

I went to a casino once and gambled 10 dollars and left with nothing. I have never gambled again. My nerves arent cut out for that sort of thing

Michelle said...

This was absolutely beautiful! And I can completely relate. Its the small, sweet things of life that make me feel alive.

Chaia said...

What makes me feel wild? A new relationship, right when you're getting to know them. That phase. I put on my biggest smile with my brightest lipstick and my wildest top. Not to say that it's men who make me feel better, but even going out with girls. A girls night out. Just feeling confident and sexy and ready to show the world you aren't hiding.

Gentri said...

Such beautiful moments. :) This certainly made my day.

chambanachik said...

I think we have the same kind of aliveness. :)

Ruthy said...

So beautifully written. Gosh I am not one that is talented with words. Love this post and I love to laugh uncontrollably sometimes it makes me feel good.

Shalyn said...

My attire is pretty monochromatic so I can relate to the moments that make me feel alive- they are the best.

Eleanor at Mirror Of My World said...

thank you for your writing :)

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