oh little me, it's okay

 xxx

in the waiting room at the speech pathologist's office on friday, i saw a girl. and from her mousy hair to the way she clung to her mama, she reminded me of myself. speech is such a private thing. and impediments are hushed, intimate. but we sat there together, shared the same generic white walls and boring reader's digest magazines. and i wanted to tell her, just lean into her and whisper, you're going to be fine. given the time, i also wanted to let her know, in case her frazzled mama never did, that:

it's okay if you don't have your first kiss until 16. it's also okay if it doesn't happen until you're 20. or 35. because when it does happen, you'll be thankful you waited for it. and once you've kissed the right someone, all you'll want to do for the rest of your days is kiss him, so it's best to wait until  you're good and ready. and have some spare time.

that being said, you might have almost-guys. maybe guys. guys you meet at the beach or at a friend's house. but it doesn't matter if his eyes are blue and he looks good in a polo. that he comes from a good family and goes to your church. if it's not there, don't force it. and for the life of me, don't let that boy at the beach kiss you. because beach boys are usually just that. fluid and constantly changing with the ebb and flow of adolescence.

it's okay if you want to hole up in your bedroom and listen to mixed tapes. and read babysitter's club and american girl books until you're long past the age range listed on the back.

it's okay to make straight As but always come home with your report card marked "talks too much." loquacious little girls become women who can carry a decent conversation. there are worse check marks to get.

it's okay if you don't want to cheer. or do band. if all you want to do after school is come home and walk by the creek bank or sit in the field behind the porch. there's power in the comfort of home.

but also, and maybe most importantly of all, it's okay to leave home. to go to that school a few states away. to get a job in a big city if the offer and timing are right. to marry that first boy who kisses you or maybe the 20th. to set out on your own road, knocking down brush and limbs as you stumble through the wild, the gloriously golden sunrise just on the horizon. make your way in this world, and you'll be surprised at how many follow, inspired and impressed by the the path you created.