Tuesday, November 15, 2011

oh little me, it's okay

in the waiting room at the speech pathologist's office on friday, i saw a girl. and from her mousy hair to the way she clung to her mama, she reminded me of myself. speech is such a private thing. and impediments are hushed, intimate. but we sat there together, shared the same generic white walls and boring reader's digest magazines. and i wanted to tell her, just lean into her and whisper, you're going to be fine. given the time, i also wanted to let her know, in case her frazzled mama never did, that:

it's okay if you don't have your first kiss until 16. it's also okay if it doesn't happen until you're 20. or 35. because when it does happen, you'll be thankful you waited for it. and once you've kissed the right someone, all you'll want to do for the rest of your days is kiss him, so it's best to wait until  you're good and ready. and have some spare time.

that being said, you might have almost-guys. maybe guys. guys you meet at the beach or at a friend's house. but it doesn't matter if his eyes are blue and he looks good in a polo. that he comes from a good family and goes to your church. if it's not there, don't force it. and for the life of me, don't let that boy at the beach kiss you. because beach boys are usually just that. fluid and constantly changing with the ebb and flow of adolescence.

it's okay if you want to hole up in your bedroom and listen to mixed tapes. and read babysitter's club and american girl books until you're long past the age range listed on the back.

it's okay to make straight As but always come home with your report card marked "talks too much." loquacious little girls become women who can carry a decent conversation. there are worse check marks to get.

it's okay if you don't want to cheer. or do band. if all you want to do after school is come home and walk by the creek bank or sit in the field behind the porch. there's power in the comfort of home.

but also, and maybe most importantly of all, it's okay to leave home. to go to that school a few states away. to get a job in a big city if the offer and timing are right. to marry that first boy who kisses you or maybe the 20th. to set out on your own road, knocking down brush and limbs as you stumble through the wild, the gloriously golden sunrise just on the horizon. make your way in this world, and you'll be surprised at how many follow, inspired and impressed by the the path you created.

28 comments:

Erin said...

absolutely gorgeous thoughts! :) so beautifully written as always! you're going to be an amazing mother!! :)

Jennifer Rod said...

beautiful, to say the least!

Anonymous said...

Courtney....you are amazing! Absolutely love this blog.

~Tiffany
http://tiffanyd22.blogspot.com

Jacqlyn said...

This is beautiful. I especially love the last line. A reminder to myself.

Blondie's Journal said...

I had to reread this a few times...it's one of your best!

XO,
Jane

Emily said...

so beautiful. good advice about the beach boys,best to stay away.

Sarah said...

I loved this. You have such a sweet heart.

- Sarah
http://agirlintransit.blogspot.com/

Victory Garden Yarn said...

Oooh, that was so lovely! And you have no idea how many of those things I completely identify with. Just beautiful. :)

Stesha said...

very touching. thanks for sharing. Love that picture!

xo
Classic & Bubbly

Amber Blue Bird said...

you are going to make such a great mama.


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chambanachik said...

Wonderful. You inspire me!

meg fee said...

oh man. you are one special, singular woman. i love this. may i link to it at some point this week?

the southern hostess said...

If I have a daughter one day, I'm making her read this. Beautiful!

Emma Frances said...

Oh my goodness. This is the sweetest post ever. I second the souther hostess's comment! All of my daughters will be reading this! :]

Kristie Price said...

"it's okay to make straight As but always come home with your report card marked "talks too much." loquacious little girls become women who can carry a decent conversation. there are worse check marks to get."

I'm borrowing this and pasting it somewhere were I can see it and celebrate it. This piece is beautiful! Your words are amazing

Suz and Allan said...

I really love this post! One of my favorites so far!

kira said...

This is really sweet. I would have told the young me many of the same things.

SymbioticLife said...

I would have really loved if someone had told me some of that when I was younger. I got sent to the principles office for talking too much. I sat outside his door crying because I was terrified of getting paddled. He didn't paddle me and he was really nice. But I always felt guilty for being a "talker".

ALWAYS IN LOVE said...

gonna be the very things i tell my teenager and my kindergartner. thank you for putting it so beautifully.

Autumn said...

I love this. I have had so many times where I feel like my life is crashing down because I have been so rigid with plans I have made for myself. I often find the non-plans are much better.

kate said...

there were so many beautiful things about this post. it filled my heart with love, joy, and light. i think those are all things we long to be told as little girls and even now when we are older those words are still so sweet and divine. thank you.

JacPfef said...

so, so perfect.
xx

Mackenzie said...

this moved me to almost-tears. i am so glad i stumbled upon your lovely blog today. as a girl who got straight As but so many detentions for talking too much, i needed this. xo

Anonymous said...

Beautiful, just beautiful, but I gotta disagree with ya about the beach boys :P Some of my fondest memories other than DH are with beach boys :) Such a great post

kassmarie said...

I SO needed to hear this today. Thank you.

Alana said...

Love, love, love this.

Natalie said...

I so needed to hear that it is okay to leave home. Thanks!

becky said...

This moved me to tears. Many, many tears. I'm going through a phase of not quite knowing where I am in life--or who I am, as an independant woman-- because being independent and lone is a terrifying thing. To have to do things for yourself--to have to choose things for yourself and find what makes you happy. Well, I'm not very good at it. At all. And this--this spoke to me a lot. With depth and with concern and with so much wisdom.

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