Monday, October 24, 2011

to order vanilla

 xxx

i grew up eating chocolate ice cream, because i couldn't say vanilla.
-speecheasy video

one day in middle school, mama laid a newspaper clipping on my pillow. a new device had been created. a teeny, in-ear mechanism that would essentially create an echo of one's own voice when speaking. the tool was heralded to greatly reduce stuttering, as many stutterers experience relief when speaking in unison, and the device's choral effect did just that.

so the speecheasy was born. but at fifteen, i was more interested in cheer practice. in that awful algebra class. the boy down the row at the cafeteria who whispered to me during silent lunch. so i tucked the clipping away, lost in the tupperware container under my bed, the one filled with photo albums. movie stubs. printed-out AOL conversations too sweet to delete. forever doomed to be lost among the relics of my youth.

but then i grew up. dated then grew apart from the boy from the cafeteria. graduated and got a job in a city. that algebra class gave way to a master's program. such is the ebb and flow of life.

but last week, it hit me. this realization that while i am special and perfect just the way God made me, there is this technology out there. this special work of man that could give me just a little, a smidgen, of relief. from the tense, locked jaw and squinted eyes i get every time i give a presentation (i actually stopped halfway though my speech last time and apologized to the crowd.)

so i researched the speecheasy. and became discouraged. the sum of money expected for something no bigger than my thumbnail was through the roof. and for this frugal, thrift-store-loving woman, it was enough to send my heart to my knees.

but then, at eleven o'clock last thursday night. with pablo asleep under the lamp and a blanket around my knees, robert came into the den, an envelope of money in his hand.

he had saved all year, hoping to open up a retirement account in december. self-employed, he doesn't have a 401K. so he had squirreled away, week by week, in hopes to start a nest egg for himself and for us.

but that night, he just reached out his arms, and handed me the envelope. i want you to use this, he whispered,  for your speecheasy.

it was the exact amount, to the dollar, i needed. every last penny of my need met, by draining every last penny of his. a God moment so spectacular.

it was entirely selfless, incredibly beautiful, and enough to send me into a gut clenching sob.

my appointment is friday.

and i am nervous. i am anxious and scared and full of questions. but there's this man who sleeps to the left of me, and this morning he left me a love note on my laptop. and finally, nine years later, i'm ready to take that step. with one eye on Him and the other on him. oaring my way through these seas. a beacon of light on the shore.

31 comments:

Erin said...

This is so beautiful! I am so excited for you!

gracelizabeth09 said...

Your stories are so beautifully written, they give me goosebumps every time. They almost sound like fiction. What an incredibly sweet story too :) I wish you all the best!

Ana Magdalena said...

I am so excited for you. you have been blessed with a wonderful husband!

Elisabeth said...

beautiful - good luck!

Gentri said...

Aw. This is so sweet and selfless. Wow. What a great man you have. :) you definitely deserve all the best! I hope it goes incredibly well! Please keep me updated!! :)

Jacqlyn said...

Oh gosh. I have chills. What a beautiful post. I am so happy for you. This is what makes life so beautiful. Good luck on your journey! I hope to read about it soon.
~Jacqlyn

Anonymous said...

This is beautiful, Courtney! What a special husband you have! Hope your appointment goes well--good luck!

~Tiffany
http://tiffanyd22.blogspot.com

Valerie said...

Wow. Tears. What a good, good man.

Christi said...

Goosebumps for me too. What an amazing, selfless guy you have there.

It was so good to see you this past week, by the way!

Amylou said...

So wonderful. Definitely a God moment!
I'm so excited for you and I hope everything goes well!

Sarah O'Holla said...

I love how you started your story with the newspaper clipping on your pillow- it sucked me right in. Thanks so much for sharing in your beautifully written way. I can't wait to hear how it goes!

Shalyn said...

That is the sweetest thing I have ever read. I am thrilled for you.

Amber Blue Bird said...

gosh he is just the sweetest man alive. I hope everything goes well at the appointment! Best of luck.

Eva Marie said...

Wow what a beautiful loving true story :) I love that you shared this, I love that the sweet man beside you cares so much about you and I love this is going to be a new chapter in your life.

Melissa said...

what an awesome guy. You are one lucky lady :)

Janette said...

WOOOOOOWW! What an amazing story! And what an amazing hubaloo! Best of luck on your appointment... Keep us posted and let us know if it works...

Janette, the Jongleur

Stephanie said...

Oh, Robert. My breath has been stolen. Good luck, Courtney. This is so endearing and special and wonderful.

Suz and Allan said...

How selfless and sweet! I could just cry for you!

ALWAYS IN LOVE said...

totally exciting and loving. enjoy the journey for it all. God is so amazing.

Bibi said...

You have a wonderful and loving husband. That is so sweet of him to give you his savings. May everything go well on Friday - I'll be praying for you.

Bibi

chambanachik said...

That made my heart stop for a minute. I think that's such a special moment that you'll never forget. I love that you are going to be able to get something that will help, but I love that he gave you that moment even more.

charla beth said...

no words in any comment can do this post justice. it absolutely moved me to tears what a priceless moment--a thursday evening i am sure you will never forget. <3 what a rare treasure you have in that man of yours.

good luck on friday, sweet thing. i'll be praying for you. :)

Kristie Price said...

teared up, lady. your words...ugg. so good. what a gift you have--in so many, many ways. you'll be in my thoughts on friday.

Christina said...

this gave me chills. God definitely provides for his own. I'm praying for you!!

Kristina said...

That is so selfless of Robert! i'm so so happy for you!! I'll be thinking of you on Friday! :)

Cara-Mia said...

Your husband is such a dear. This left me teary-eyed. Best of luck with your appointment!

Holli said...

Oh how SWEET. What a guy!!

Anna Kristianne said...

Reading this post brought tears to my eyes! What a wonderful, loving husband you have, and I love you for sharing such a beautiful story! Will be praying for your appointment!

Love,
Anna

kate said...

this brought such a wonderful smile to my heart. the love your husband feels for you is so beautiful, raw, and so unbelievably moving and genuine. I will keep you in my prayers the rest of this week and very much so on friday for your fitting. i hope it everything you have dreamed about.. you are so wonderful and if this piece could give you complete confidence in your speech and the way you feel about yourself i pray it works out better than you ever imagined. you are so sweet. good luck!

ladydazy said...

So sweet of your husband. Such a sweet post. I too am working on knowing myself, liking myself and accepting myself. :)

Off the Cuff said...

I've finally had a chance to catch up on your blog...I've been away. Unsolicited generousity has always brought me to tears. The kindness and love so grand and so unexpected! How special! Don't be scared...like Kate said, it will be better than you imagined. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow!

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