Thursday, August 4, 2011

leave it there

 
i hold onto things. it's what i do.

it's the reason my basement is cluttered. why the little shelf above my closet is crammed. why every drawer in our home is filled to capacity. i hold onto things in secret. under beds and behind desks. but, at the same time, i have this irrational idea that one day martha stewart or oprah or someone might stop by our little cottage, so i can't leave until every dish is dried and put away. every pile straightened. every magazine rolled up into the wine rack in our  bathroom.

it's a crazy thing, this chaotic order. that in the same space, within the same whitewashed walls, there co-exists an enormous pile of assorted greeting cards and a freshly washed counter that smells of lemon.

but i hold onto other things as well. things that can't be cleaned out when the next yard sale comes into town.

things like hurts. and worries. and fears. stories on the news. doubts and insecurities. hidden by a new high-waisted skirt. fresh cut bangs. and new lipstick. just as my office drawer is laden, absolutely laden, with old folders, so i store things inside. and so i mask them.

but i've got a little tree outside my bedroom window, and at night its  branches are illuminated by the shed light. and from my bed, i can see the outline of leaves. it's become my worry tree. when everyone's asleep and sometimes when they're not, i hold my hand against the blind and send my worries out to it. into Heaven. into the hands of the only one that can make any order whatsoever of it.

and then, before lifting my fingertips

i leave it there. 

18 comments:

the southern hostess said...

Just reading this make me feel like a weight is being lifted. So beautiful and so authentic.

Ana Magdalena said...

reading this felt like you put words to what's inside my head. How beautiful it is that we can rely on God to take care of our worries? very, very.

HazelandMare said...

I often have trouble not letting things worry me, even if they are completely out of my control. I need to find a worry tree. You are so smart.

In the words of the wise Pumba, "Hakuna Matata" :)

Amber Blue Bird said...

i think everyone can relate to this to some extent. it hard to let things go but its even harder to live with all that worry.

chambanachik said...

I strive to do this, but I haven't been able to do it like you.

Shalyn said...

I have a trouble letting anything go myself. I love that idea, so beautiful.

Eleanor at Mirror Of My World said...

i actually want to cry reading this because i do exactly the same thing, the drawer under my bed, my cupboards, my desk are all filled to the brim with memory boxes and journals and things i cant throw away. and the line about the worry tree is such a beautiful one. thank you for your writing xxx

Melissa at bubbyandbean.com said...

First of all, I just came upon your blog, and I love it. Second, your post is beautiful. I hold on to things too, and I think the worry tree is just about the best idea ever. I live in the city, and don't have a tree outside my window, but I think I'm going to find something else to make my worry tree.

xo,
melissa

Tina said...

beautiful post. haha, i'm in denial about not being able to let go!

Off the cuff said...

I just came across your blog via-not your average ordinary(check her blog out it's great)and I love your post. Outside my office window sits a big beautiful maple tree I just sent all my worries to! Thank you for the idea...the rest of the afternoon, I'm gonna be worry-free!

Sarah O'Holla said...

Like some other commenters, I also just found your blog! I get so excited when I find beautifully written blog posts. Thank you for that. I look forward to coming back soon:)

Bree said...

Wow, I couldn't have said it better myself. What a truly amazing post with an equally amazing picture!
want to follow each other?

artofbeingcool.blogspot.com

Red Boots said...

It sounds like you are writing about my life. Seriously. This sounds just like me. x

Brandi {not your average ordinary} said...

I've learned to let go of the stuff in my life, but I still hang on to old hurts. I haven't figured out how to let those go yet. Maybe I need my own tree.

Lynn {hearted girl} said...

so beautiful Courtney! sending all your worries away to something that is embedded in the earth and also reaches up to the skies....made my heart fill up. you're just the most tender soul, reading the things you share always puts me in a better state of mind. xoox ♥

Cara-Mia said...

Beautiful.

And a bit reassuring that someone else also holds onto physical and mental things.

McKinley {Haolepinos} said...

I love this photo!

It is hard to justify getting rid of something! I mean it is really easy to look at something and say "I may need that sometime" or "but ______ gave that to me!!!" The greatest thing I learned on Oprah was if you haven't used it in 6-12 months then it must go. It has been my rule of thumb ever since. I hope that can help in any way! Since Oprah is the shiz and knows everything ahhahahaha I had to share ahahah.

becky said...

Oh my. This is beautiful. Astoundingly so.

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