Friday, June 24, 2011

the bed's too big, the frying pan's too wide


robert left this morning to spend a weekend with his cousin in virginia.

as i left the house, driving away on the gravel road washed me with a memory. back when he was in college and i was still in high school. he used to come home every weekend on the train, and every sunday around three, i would walk outside with him, kiss him goodbye, and prepare to face another week of being eighteen without him. i would envision his fabulous life in college, and in my head, all the girls in college were buxom  blonds in tiny shorts and tinier tops. it was quite an awful (and incredibly inaccurate) picture that i painted.

i felt that again this morning.

and it's not that i'm clingy. i love, trust and adore him enough to let him leave for a few days. i just don't prefer it, that's all. and i don't quite know what to do with the next few days. there's suddenly a whole weekend in front of me to fill, and, without the promise of our friday movie night and sleeping in on saturday and walking under the country stars, it just seems a little daunting to tackle it all by myself.

that last line i just wrote reminded me of celine dion's classic rendition of "all by myself," which is exactly the wrong type of song to have in my head right now. alas. at least there are no buxom blonds where he's headed.

14 comments:

American in Bath said...

I wonder if it is a sweet kind of sorrow; the kind you feel lucky to feel at all. I have no good suggestions for you.

Ana* said...

I say go out with your girlfriends, or your sister, or your mama, or Pablo :)

kimbirdy said...

haha, aw buxom blonds are so unappealing when there are girls like you in the world. :) i say go do/watch/eat/etc. all the things he doesn't like. make it a weekend to treat yourself and when he comes back you can get back to the stuff you enjoy doing together. i hope whatever you do this weekend, it thrills and nourishes your soul!

Bibi - Simple Summit said...

I understand your feelings a hundred percent - JC and I used to be in a long distance relationship, before we got married. I was in college 600 miles up north and he was here in Salisbury, working. Similar to your Sunday afternoons, we faced our goodbyes on Monday mornings, and I had to learn to be by myself again for a few weeks.
And even now that we are married and living together, I never like to be apart from him. Just like you, I dread weekends we spent in different places and a lot of times I'm unsure of what to do with myself when he's not here.

But enough of me, what I meant to write is that I deeply understand your feelings and wish there was something I could do to help you through this.

Always your friend - Bibi ♥

Hannah {Culture Connoisseur} said...

Totally understand. My husband travels for work a lot and a week apart feels like a year. He's my other half and when he's gone I feel like half of me is!

Sarah Nicole said...

I understand how you feel. I hate being away from my other half. I can't wait until we are married and can live in the same home together.

Amber Blue Bird said...

I used to feel the same way when my husband would leave but now I look at it as an opportunity to do things like watch an incredibly girlie movie or walk around the house in a face mask. Hope your weekend is filled with loveliness.

Thisisme. said...

Love the title of your post today!! I hope you find some nice things to do to fill the time until Robert comes home again to you. Sending hugs x

chambanachik said...

I'm a military wife, as you know, so I most definitely can empathize. The best part of goodbyes is that reunions are always so sweet. :)

Ashley {hudson's happenings} said...

Being 18 and away from your love is a terrible feeling...I remember it all to well. That crazy lump in the throat/shortness of breath/tears welling up feeling.

Although these emotions aren't fun...and you'd rather not be away from him...it just shows how much you LOVE your love. And that is lovely. ;)

Anna said...

I completely understand all that you feel! And I think although missing your beloved one is such an aching feeling in your heart, it's a precious one to behold. I would rather miss than to not miss when my beloved ones are away from me. And that's what I have been feeling lately too. Always in my prayers, dearest!

Lynn {hearted girl} said...

Courtney, that photo of the two of you is pure beauty! let me tell you, that boy only has eyes for YOU and wow do his ever shine when he looks your way. i'm glad it's come to the end of the weekend and now you two will be reunited again...um, another song comes to mind now...can you guess what that would be? i kinda think so. xo ♥

Breeanna @ a brilliant melody said...

I think it's wonderful that you will miss him so much, it really shows how much you love him (but sorry that you are sad). When my husband leaves on trips I think about how happy I will be when I see him again, like a mini reunion. For me, it's nice to have some time apart to really appreciate what I have.

HazelandMare said...

Aww, you guys are such a sweet couple! I feel the same way about my fiance, even when he's just leaving for work, hehe. But that just means you're super in love and it's so great!

Whenever I hear Celine Dion's "All By Myself" I am instantly reminded of Bridget Jones' Diary, and her drinking wine and wearing flannels on the couch. :)

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