Thursday, March 31, 2011

there is a reason strong moves slow

i want a tire swing in the backyard.

i want to wash off dirty feet in the laundry room sink. i want to pack lunches before the sun comes up. i want to make up lullabies with moonlight streaming in through plastic blinds. with my hands folded under a floral pillowcase and a warm baby's breath melting against my cheek. to wear aprons and tie my hair in loose buns. i want to look good in the kitchen. confident.

i want all these things. one day.

but for right now:

there's a clothesline in the backyard. i fold blankets over it during summer days and let my dresses dry in the sunshine. we don't have a sink in our laundry room. but we do have homemade curtains and a warm rug. i pack my own lunches, usually racing against the clock to make it to work. but every morning, there's a bowl of warm oatmeal at my desk, with blueberries and sugar swirled in.

robert's exhales tickle my cheek. when we finally make it to bed around midnight, a sleepy pablo quick on our heels. we talk for hours into the darkness, our words echoing in the black room. our room right outside the work shed, with the flood light spilling in.

and i'm learning in the kitchen. with every splatter and total mess, with every victory and cake that rises properly, i learn more about myself and feel more like my mama.

so maybe my one-day wishes are a little different. maybe i'm still muddling my way through my twenties and figuring it out hour by hour, looking for the glimmers of hope that come when the smoke clears.

but these are blessed days too. and i'm glad they're moving along slowly. to savor. the desires of my heart take time, as most desire do. and when these days are gone, and replaced by new times, new houses, new faces and new expectations, i will mourn for them. mourn for the days when it was just me and robert. miss the flood light outside and the shrubs that bloom in april.

but i'll also smile.

and swing, in my backyard, with  my head thrown back laughing.

19 comments:

Jennifer Rod said...

what a lovely post. as usual. i guess this is why i nominated you for the "one lovely blog award". check out my recent post for more details. have a good thursday :)

b. lee said...

sweet * soak in the era upon us; while still preparing & day-dreaming of tomorrow's blessings :) I find myself in different shoes but same thoughts * happy day!

the southern hostess said...

You always seem to thinking the same things as me at just about the same time. Thanks for the reminder to savor the right now.

The Cast said...

Slow is good.

Simple Summit said...

Reading the comments to your post I see other young women thinking the same things you do, and so I will add by saying that I, too, want to experience someday what you so lovely described above :)

Thanks for adding me :)

charla beth said...

i love that you write about finding that balance: to never stop dreaming, but also to appreciate what we have right in front of us. because one day, the moments of right now will be missed.


beautiful.

Tiffany said...

Reading your blog just makes my day better! I feel exactly the same way....it's easy to forget to appreciate the 'now' by looking too much at the future. Thanks for the reminder to slow down!

~Tiffany

Ana* said...

I like slow, I miss slow

Shalyn said...

Love this, Courtney. So beautiful. Slow is good:-)

Christi said...

You've got it all right, sister.

Brittany H. said...

I enjoyed reading this. You've painted beautiful images in my head.

xxxx
www.brittanyhavican.blogspot.com

becca said...

beautiful slow is good

Thisisme. said...

You are right to just enjoy what you have right here and now, with just you, Robert and little Pablo. In time, I can see you sitting on that tyre swing, with a little one on your lap!

Amber Blue Bird said...

I look forward to the future too when hopefully a little baby will make its way into our home but right now alone time with my husband and pup is brilliant. Its best to savor the moments we have we each other right :)

M. said...

smiling. so glad i just found your blog. following!

: )

Daydream Living said...

You know Courtney, you understand yourself so much more than when I was your age (boy, this sounds sooo old...) but it's true. And you document it here on your blog, for you and your future children to read back. You truly savor the little moments now, I hardly can remember some of the things properly when I was in my twenties. I would love to have a blog and read it back now, so treasure slow, document it and when the time comes for you to loose sleep while rocking that beautiful baby of yours, you will think back and smile, knowing that it is all written down, so you can revisit it over and over again.
All the best, you're in my thoughts, funny we have never met, have a different lifestyle but I feel connected cause you care about life, family, people and your words are in the back of my mind. Ok, gotta go now, way past my bedtime again... Have a good weekend!
Maureen x

The Many Colours of Happiness said...

So beautiful :) It all sounds perfect already!

Kristina said...

I have been MIA for the last week or two...however, I read your posts every morning from my blog reader app on my phone. As usual I love your writing, and this one certainly tugged at my heart strings!

Ren- Lady Of The Arts said...

I like the idea of taking things hour by hour- I don't ever mourn for days without my monkeys- as soon as they got here it was like 'what took you so long'

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