Thursday, December 30, 2010

stop this train

my little brother texted me today. this is common. we talk, and usually see each other, every day.

but this time was different. he was texting me from a little diner two hours away. with his girlfriend of two years. that afternoon, they were going to tour chapel hill and look at colleges.

and i thought to myself, since when did he become old enough to drive two hours away from home? or have a girlfriend of two years? or what's bigger--tour colleges?

the transient nature of time was manifested for me in that simple text message. the same little brother i watched play t-ball, then middle school basketball, then join the high school golf team, will forever be just that--my little brother. just like my sister, who just finished her first semester in college, will always be the girl i shared a bedroom with. who aped my every action and trusted me enough to cut her bangs for the first time. the fact that these tiny souls are morphing into adults--and beautiful, stable, smart, kind adults at that--baffles and humbles me.

so i was sitting there last night. black high heels still halfway on my tired toes, dangling mere inches above the wood floor. robert and pablo were still on their way home and for the moment, it was just me. in my own little house. with soup boiling on the stove and laundry spinning loudly in the wash. i had the blinds cracked and every few minutes, a car would come rolling down our country road. i was home. i was 23. i was married. and i was wearing work clothes.

i went to go see mama and dad last night and i'm sure they wondered the same thing about me. when did this happen? when did our little girl start dating? graduate college? get married? 

sometimes the cycle of life scares me to the bone. i create a bubble of routine to force it away. but it creeps in. it has to. 

i'm reminded when i look at my sister. her bangs have been replaced by face-framing layers. she went through an oversized t-shirt phase in elementary school (who didn't?). now, she's all glamor and beauty in her black tights and scarf.

and i'm reminded when i get texts from my brother miles away. traveling through space and time.

but maybe most of all, i'm reminded when i look down at my hands typing this post.

my wedding ring.

my little reminder that yes, people i love will grow up.

but i'm still growing too.

and as long as i've got these folks around,

my sweet sister and brother

i wouldn't for a minute change the place i'm in.


Casey said...

So true! Getting older is CRAZY!!!! My little brother is turning 23, and I will be hitting the 25 marker on Sunday. On top of it all I am engaged now and heading towards married life- where does the time go?!?! I guess the most important part is just to embrace each and every moment of your life. :)


Thisisme said...

That post brought tears to my eyes. Got me thinking about my two beautiful daughters, one of whom will be 40 in 2011. How did that happen? I can't possibly be old enough to have a 40 year old daughter! (Not that she looks it, or acts it!).

Amber Blue Bird said...

I had this feeling on my birthday this month, like where did the time go? I feel like only yesterday I was 18 and about to move away to college and now I am in my late twenties and married, crazy. But then I look around my home and see my little family and everything feels like its in its right place

In My Tennis Shoes said...

Time is a crazy concept! I remeber when I was young how oh so very LONG december was waiting around for Christmas (and Santa) to finally arrive! And now looking back over this past month I can't believe how fast the last couple months flew! Doesn't it seem that the older we get the faster it goes!?

I can hardly believe that my oldest sibling is 30 and my youngest is 21! Except for the "baby", we are now all college grads and have entered the work force. My "little" brother has been 6'3" for years and years now! And 2/5 of us our now married!

Yes,time is a crazy concept... but isn't it fun looking back on all those memories we've made from all those good times! :D

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

Isn't it crazy how time can pass so quickly and we still view people as how they were at one time?!

Kimbirdy said...

that's so bizarre isn't it? i feel the same way about my nephew who is turning 18 in february and heading off to college next year. what?! how did that happen?! i used to change his diapers, and helped him take his first step, and supported him through so many rough early-teen years. it's crazy to think i'm old enough to have watched a person grow up entirely. my sister, who's 10 years older than me, probably felt the same way about me. life is mind-boggeling sometimes!

bethani said...

it is crazy how life/time passes in an instant without us really realizing it.

Cara-Mia said...

Yes, time passes by so quickly.

I've often said that I feel older on my little brother's or little sister's birthdays more so than I feel on my own.

Diana Smith said...

Same here! my brother is just 2 years younger than me and he is going on a mission for our church and Im like wait what??? You are how old? Its crazy how fast time goes and how much people grow up!

Grace said...

i know i look at my brothers now and i'm impressed by how much they've grown over the years. thank you so much for your lovely advice yesterday. i definitely am going to look into that heating pad.

By the way i passed on the Stylish Blogger Award to you. :) you can read the details at:

Megan said...

stumbled across your blog..and LOVE. I SO resonate with this post! my little/big brother (sometimes he thinks he is older then me...) is about to turn 21..has been with his gf for two years..and has a big boy job...what the heck?! When did that happen? And how am I coming up to my third wedding anniversary?? And HOW did I end up agreeing to spending a year of my life in england??

time...I try desperately to slow it down and speed it up all at the same time.

Shalyn said...

You are so sweet. I wrote a guest post about my sisters the other day and it got me thinking about how old they are getting, which means I am getting older too...kind of crazy to think I am 22, married and graduating in May to hopefully have a baby soon after. Beautiful post, once again:-)

linsey grae said...

what a great post! i wonder these things all the time. I'm not sure if you are a Taylor Swift fan but her song "Never Grow Up" on her new cd "Speak Now" brings me to tears when I think about my life. I can't believe I'm 20, have a niece and am finally old enough to make my own life decisions. it's wild. thanks for the sweet post to remind us how life isn't short.

angie on maui said...

Oh, I can totally and completely relate to this post. I still look at my younger brothers as kids, despite one being married and the father of two, and the other a police officer engaged to be married next year!

As I was reading your beautifully written post, I found myself nodding along in a shared understanding that yes, people we love grow up. And then I could not help but try to imagine what it must be like for parents to watch their own children grow into adulthood...and how beautiful and...painful it must be.

Life is pretty amazing like that!

So happy to have found your blog; yours is one that brings me joy to read.

Wishing you a safe, happy and prosperous 2011, new friend.


Emily said...

What a good little reminder! Time does fly by SO fast and I too look at my "little" sister and cant even believe how grown up she is. If there was a pause button i'd push it but we arent in control of time. I'm sure you know "theres a season for everything" eccl.
Life happens whether or not we want it to and its scary isnt it?!

my best friend jules said...

Yes, I've often thought about the same thing! Over Christmas I kinda woke up, when I was with my cousins who I remember as little toddlers, but who are now teenagers! It was a little reminder for myself that yeah, I'm getting older too... in my cousins eyes I'm the 27 year-old GROWN UP :D

But my mum always says that she never plans to grow up - I think I'll follow her advice ;)

Xo Mervi

Ana* said...

So so true, I always cringe when I remember I am 21. Time is going by so fast, I remember when I was 12 & was dying to turn 21 and now that I am, I can't help but be thankful for the opportunity of seeing my sibling become teens and my grandparent age. Life is truly beautiful.

off switch said...

so glad you found off switch, lady! :) just loved this post and you're such a good writer! i hope you have a wonderful new year - and dance often. xo.

Victoria said...

Isn't that the weirdest thing? You and I are almost in the same situation. My brother just turned 18. He isn't taking road trips with his girlfriend of two years, mostly because they broke up but still hang out all the time and will most likely get back together and also because he doesn't have his license yet (he doesn't really want it... ???). But, totally weird. And when I look at my wedding ring I get a little sad that I'm growing up too. It's fun and all, but I miss the old days too.

Peaches said...

This is a sweet post. I love reading about your family (hopefully that doesn't sound creepy). But you have such a wonderful loving way of capturing your feelings and thoughts. It makes my heart happy.

Time flies by so quickly sometimes I wish I could just pause it for a second. With the new year I've started reflecting on where I am in my life and I'm happy and content where I am too. :)

charla beth said...

this is absolutely beautiful.

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