and i tried, with the little strength i could muster, to be somewhat productive. to wrap that pile of presents hibernating in my closet. to get started on my christmas grocery list. to order my textbooks for grad school next semester.
but for some reason, no matter how busy i felt, nothing was accomplished. do you ever have that feeling? when you're so super busy, just puttering around, that you don't do anything of substance? my whole day was spent doing menial, thoughtless tasks that by the time evening rolled around, i felt just as crummy as when i woke up. it should be noted that i also feel incredibly guilty when i miss work, even if it's for a legitimate reason like being sick. i don't know why, but it just makes me feel unhelpful, and i come from a long line of women who show love by helping and giving.
to top it off, we have a bit of a ladybug problem in the cottage. when the temperature begins to dip and we turn our oil heat on, the little buggers gravitate toward the warmth and the light from inside--a refuge from the chill with plenty of fun windowsills to crawl over. for a while, i've brushed it off. ladybugs are supposed to be good luck, so what can a few hurt? but yesterday it was just about too much, and i resorted to picking them up and taking them outside.
i had the blinds pulled up all over the cottage so i could get to them better.
then i saw it. when i was putting on my moccasins in the bedroom. the sun was setting. and a ray of light washed in from the living room. i looked at it, then tried to keep on tying my shoes. but i couldn't. i couldn't look away for the life of me. i felt a pull, a real, live tug, in the direction of the light. so i followed it. with my shoes half on, i walked into the den and saw it. my entire little cottage was bathed in light. the windows were naked, their blinds pulled up from my ladybug capturing spree. as a result, the light was that much more brilliant.
and there's nothing more beautiful than a living room awash with sunset. everything was illuminated with a romantic, soft glow that i can't attach words to. i sat there on the sofa and let it hit me square between the eyes. and i felt the Holy Spirit in that room. and i realized, for all i did that day, i had put my Savior last. i had filled my hours with computer work, checking e-mail, and watching television that i almost forgot to give thanks, pray and reflect. no wonder nothing was accomplished.
so i did just that. like the ladybugs, i gravitated toward the light.and i prayed as i felt it. just as sure as i felt the suede around my ankles. i felt the sweet reassurance that tomorrow would be a better day. everything would be accomplished in due time. peace rushed over me.
and like the ladybugs, i was saved.