Friday, December 17, 2010

the good fight

robert and i had a fight the other day. 

a simple quarrel in the middle of the grocery store aisle. 

trying to hush and silence the rising volume in our voices as we grasped onto our salami. a little disagreement about whether to use cash or card to purchase our items. perhaps the lamest argument in history. 

but it escalated and resulted in hurt feelings. in a digging up of past wrongs, current struggles and worries about the future. we didn't speak the whole way home. and twenty minutes feels like eternity with the black highway rolling silently beneath your wheels. even pablo could sense something was wrong, and sounded a muffled whimper until we pulled into the driveway. 

and we worked it out. we sat on our sofa with the christmas lights twinkling. the television grumbling in the background, i positioned myself in the safe, warm crook of his strong arms. and we talked. honestly. rawly. for a long time. our voices loud in the air of the living room at midnight. and in the end, all was okay. we would have stayed up and talked all night, if we had to. and for a while there, i thought that very well might be what it took.

because we're not perfect. because we were tired. because sometimes, a healthy spat is needed in a relationship. of course there are deal-breakers. like hitting. and cheating. and lying. never okay. but a fight that forces you to look introspectively, to consult your actions and how they affect the ones you love? occasionally good for you.

because when i stood at the alter of the church i grew up in, my 21-year-old fingers, shaking with excitement and nerves, sliding on his wedding ring, i made a promise.

to love him. yes, in sickness and health, for better or for worse. but those are common words. they are holy and beautiful, but they need to be translated sometimes.

what that means is i will love you even if you wear a million white undershirts and our laundry pile is always twice the size of normal even though it's just us two. you will love me even if i forget you hate quiche and make a tuna casserole with eggs that ends up quite quiche-like. i will love you through layoffs, promotions, babies and grandbabies. through family deaths and births.

and yes, i will love you through fights at the grocery store. especially ones that result in making up over reruns of E! news and hot cider.

because the fact is, this man still sleeps to the left of me. he is mine and i am forever his. constantly learning and growing with him. this wasn't our first fight and it won't be our last. we're not done with little challenges.

but we're not done loving, either. 

as long as we both shall live.



35 comments:

Casey said...

Aw.. I am so glad that you two worked it out. Mr. Wonderful and I had a spat over my being nasty about wanting him to order an extra side of sour cream the other day, and it got blown way out of proportion too!

Have a fabulous Friday!!!

xo,
Casey
www.blondebargainbabe.com

wilybrunette said...

i'm quickly falling deeply in love with your blog--with you--with the kindred spirit if have found in you. i love this post, yesterdays post--your honesty, the way you think about things and write about things, the way your mind shuffles stuff into order--i love it all. so thank you.

Thisisme said...

So glad that all was well in the end. Isn't it funny, how sometimes those little things can start an argument and it all seems to blow out of all proportion from there. Peace, and have a good weekend.

nadiine said...

its mad how a small thing can turn into a massive one in a relationship! Im glad you made up :)x

Rachel said...

So when are you writing your book? I'll buy it!

the southern hostess said...

This is so beautifully written and wise. I'm already in love with your blog.

Ana* said...

sometimes arguments are necessary, I'm happy you worked it out. This post is sweet, beyond sweet.

bethani said...

its funny when you look back at what silly silly things end up being the start of what looks like at that moment world war three..

the mister and i argued on black friday while in line whether or not to buy the tv we had already stood in line for an hour to purchase. silly i tell you. but thats why we love them. :)

cheers to silliness!

jeanette from everton terrace said...

"but they need to be translated sometimes" - my favorite part of another lovely post.

grace said...

you have such a gift with words!
thank you for sharing.

Jessica said...

Lol. "even after fighting in the grocery store" == THAT'S ME TO A TEE!

Jen said...

This was perfectly written and oh so true. As much as I hate fights, sometimes they are inevitable and necessary. So glad things are better!!

e.day said...

i just looooove stopping by here. every time i read one of your posts i just feel happy. even though this was about a fight, the underlying message is so beautiful and happy. ah! i think you are quite awesome. for real.

also: i saw you posted on whati about chuck palahnuik. are you a fellow reader of his crazies?? i would love to chat about it :) i don't find many people that have read any of his books!!

Lynn said...

so well said lades! what a testament to the truth about love, the real deal we who are in committed relationships face and the work it takes to communicate our feelings.

i love hearing about the non-fairytale days/moments because in actuality it ends up (hopefully) being about a stronger connection as well as a greater unified front! most excellent! ♥

lindsay said...

so beautiful! i just don't know how much i can say that i love everything about you and the things you write. every word so perfect and wonderful ♥

i was thinking about doing a post on "fighting right" and this really inspired me to do it.

thank you lovely...you are a true inspiration to me.
xoxo

Shalyn said...

This is so beautiful. I feel the same was about little "quarrels" with my husband

Bonnie said...

This is really sweet. :) Mr. A and I are the same way!

http://glamkittenslitterbox.blogspot.com/

Ren- Lady Of The Arts said...

glad it all worked out-

Natalie said...

I love reading your posts! This sounds like me and my husband!

Cara-Mia said...

Is it weird that I always feel a bit relieved to hear other couples fight, too? Things cannot always be 100% perfect, nor would I want them to be, but it's nice to be reminded of that fact by other people. Thanks for sharing. <3

Amber Blue Bird said...

aww, yes fights tend to happen but its best to work them out before heading to bed. I learned that one the hard way.

marissa breanna said...

I totally teared up at this. You write beautifully.

caroline. said...

This is beautiful! definitely teared up a bit.Thank you for this bit of encouragement!

Young People in Love said...

you inspire me to simply WRITE and the rest will follow.

also, i love your wedding pics! total beauty you are!

elsie said...

that was beautiful!! it was a delight to read! ♥

mskanorado said...

Sometimes I read your blog and feel as if we are kindred spirits (hopefully that isn't creepy). This post is so true and I really enjoyed it! I love reading your blog! It's always so beautifully written! Hope your weekend is fabulous!

Signe said...

aaaw! sweetest.post.ever!
and i totally agree - fights happen. it is the will and commitment to make up again that makes all the difference :)

have a lovely weekend and I have to say that you looked absolutely stunning on your wedding day!

Brooke said...

Your posts are always so inspiring! My man sleeps to the left of me too :) and fights really are healthy in that kind of way.

Laura said...

A beautiful post. My husband is 'the' love of my life... my best friend... a perfect father, but every now and then we still need to blow off steam and have a little spat... as long as it's few and far between, you know you're onto a good thing... as I always say to my husband on every wedding anniversary 'you make it easy'... Life is hard, but marriage should be easy... Take care. Lx

kalynor said...

Lovely post! this is my first visit to your blog and already i'm under the spell!

Amy said...

Look at you go! Such a great writer deserves all of these comments!
I'm so glad you and your husband made up. Fighting is healthy for the most part. Justin and I had a huge fight a while back and it ended up in a break up for a short time that felt like months. But it lead to a relationship that is better than ever, better than I ever imagined and I hope it will lead to quite a big future.
Thank you for reminding me that some fights are okay and that at the end of the night, you'll always have each other.
Love to you darling.

Emily said...

This was great,not that im glad you got in a fight but its nice to know that you are a real person too and real people have fights. Your wedding pictures were so beautiful! Keep writing and I'll keep reading :) Merry Christmas!

Jude said...

So glad you both worked it out and I couldn't agree more - every couple fights (often over the smallest thing). It's sad to fight with the one you love, but sometimes a healthy spat clears the air, and it's how you handle and resolve it that matters more than the spat itself :)

Anonymous said...

Just wait till you're pregnant! You'll be ready to start World War 3 over something as silly as buying the wrong brand of juice or what to set the thermostat to. I've actually heard that couples who fight a little are happier because they don't bottle everything up and are comfortable enough with their partner to express their true feeling.

kate said...

your face in the first picture literally makes my heart want to burst. you look madly, passionately, and beautifully in love. im so happy you wrote this post because it is raw and honest :)

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